


Murder with a Side of Lies

by SkyWrites



Series: The Great Detective Papyrus Mysteries! [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ace Attorney-inspired, Action/Adventure, Alphys/Undyne Side Plot, Brooding Detectives, Brooding Lawyers, Comedy, Courtroom Drama, Detective Noir, Friendship, Gen, Mystery, POV First Person, Rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-22 01:11:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9575243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWrites/pseuds/SkyWrites
Summary: A monster murdering another monster is unheard of. Yet that's the case that the Great Detective Papyrus and his tough-as-nails sidekick, Undyne, have to solve! And with a famous (and fabulous) prosecutor already determined to get his guilty verdict, Papyrus finds that not only does his new case take him towards investigating the rainy streets... but straight into the courtroom!However, not every case is as cut-and-dry as it seems. There's secrets and treachery at every corner, and it will only take the cunning of a great detective to bring the truth to the spotlight once and for all!





	1. A Lawyer Never Takes His Badge Off!

**Author's Note:**

> A sequel to [Kidnappings in the Early Evening](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6985756/chapters/15918205) by [Sky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Sky). While this makes heavy references to the first story, you can still enjoy this story on its own! 
> 
> Suggested [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZPSLQ7-eGo&list=PLULvqreQJEtAsDFofU9ChJR01HYrRP3Kl) with some relaxing [rain](http://www.rainymood.com/).
> 
> Art image credited to KelCasual! ([Tumblr](http://kelcasual.tumblr.com/post/161551258218/another-fun-undertale-commission-for-darkhymns), [DA](http://kelcasual.deviantart.com/art/Objection-Commission-685089081))

                                  

 Liquid bullets pelted against flesh and fabric mercilessly, their assault never ending, never comforting. Each new drop felt colder than the last, soaking deep beneath orange fur. His feeble crimson shirt gave no protection against the harsh attack. His very essence could not be protected, could not be saved. The soul was wrinkled, soggy, tired and cold.

_Of course_ he forgot his umbrella at work. _Of course_ it had to be raining this hard right now. _Of course_ she wanted to see him _now_ of all times, in the rain no less. And _of course_ he had fallen for it.

The streetlights stood tall over him, silently judging just like everyone else. The yellow glow was too bright, making his nametag glimmer in the gloomy dark. _Burgerpants_ it read. That name. Not the one given to him by birth, not the one he had chosen, _this_ was the name that had to be stapled haphazardly over his heart.

Other than the pounding of rain drops across the sidewalk, a soggy sloshing of pants could be heard fighting against gravity itself. Once again, he had stuffed his pants full of burgers. He had fallen under the attractive peoples’ spell yet again, even though he swore he never would! He was humiliated. Not even in his own apartment could he find solace anymore, when some fish woman (probably attractive!) broke through his roof not a few days ago, ruining the place.

No. Things would be different now. The burgers felt lighter, he didn’t seem quite so wet anymore. This date with Catty was proof he was turning his life around! The dumpster girls were finally starting to give him the respect he deserved.

The world would finally see him! Tomorrow he’d tell his awful boss he was quitting! He was going to be an actor and outshine that attractive hate-filled robot! Sure, everyone loved that glitter-bot now, but once he got his groove, even this burger flipping cat could outdo him!

He clenched his fist, feeling the inspiration coming along. He knew he was better than his boss! That amateur! Today was the day, he could feel it!

The rain stopped.

It was a sign! He approached the alleyway, noticing the sparkle of dew on the dumpsters and thinking to himself, ‘ _those are pretty good dumpsters.’_ Yeah, he could see why those two girls liked it here. Maybe all attractive people aren’t so bad? There was Catty now! The alleyway was dark, and he could only see her silhouette, but his confidence couldn’t be wrong. With a renewed vigor, he waved to his potential buddy.

Yes, tonight Burgerpants would be no more. He wouldn’t allow anyone to call him that ever again. Tonight was the night everyone would finally learn his name! Tonight was the night everyone would remember him as…!

…

Burgers fell to the concrete with a soggy plop. Dust sprinkled across the wrappers into the sequin buns.

The rain poured.

* * *

.

.

.

Things haven’t been going well.

This is just between me and you, notepad! I’m putting my trust in you! I don’t want to write these words down! it’s impossible that I, Great Detective Papyrus, might be feeling a bit discouraged!

Impossible! Really!

But…

I must admit; I haven’t been feeling so great. Ever since our last case, (which was a grand success by the way!) my partner and best friend, Undyne, has been looking pretty down. I’ve tried to talk with her so many times, tried to encourage her to the best of my ability! Nyeh, heh!

But… nothing seems to be working. Even the rain won’t perk her up these past few days. Today she didn’t even show up at the office.

Worse still, notepad, my brother has been extra lazy! I know it’s just like him to never show up for work, but I’ve been seeing him less and less! When I _do_ see Sans, though, he doesn’t even say his horrible puns! That’s been nice, at least. It’s been nice. ~~I miss the puns.~~ Ignore that last part, notepad! Grammar mistake!

I always knew being a grizzled detective would mean hard times, of course! But, these times are feeling extra hard without many friends to talk to.

I miss Undyne. She called me this morning, saying she would be busy for the day. She sounded sad. Notepad, I sometimes think others think I don’t notice things, or maybe think I’m naïve. Well, maybe I am! But only a little! I know Undyne is out there, and I know she needs her best pal Papyrus!

I did the unthinkable, today, notepad! I closed the office for the day. I know when I get back the phones will probably be ringing off the hook with cases needing to be solved from all over the world, but the world will need to wait! I have a more important mystery to solve! The case of the missing best pal!

* * *

The rain sprinkled lightly atop the Bonemobile, pitter pattering against frigid steel. The drops themselves looked slower, less energetic. They lazily dripped over my windshield, pushed aside by the lightest breeze, separated from their wet brothers and sisters. The sky seemed more grayer than normal today, even though it’s almost always raining here.

It felt so empty, so spacious in the Bonemobile. On the bright side, I had more room to store my spaghetti reserves! But, they didn’t fill the passenger seat the same way Undyne did.  

Bah, enough grizzled talk! Using my amazing detective skills, I deduced exactly where Undyne must have gone! Also the receipts and phone calls about complaints kind of gave it away.

Grillby’s. The sign was enveloped in a bright neon-orange flame, flickering and blinking as if it were a burning fire surviving against the coldest of rain. It was a greasy bar with even greasier patrons, my brother being one of them! I’ve come to the place a few times with my bro, but I’m not a fan. A dank, dark bar overflowing with a depressing atmosphere? A daring detective wouldn’t be caught dead in such a dreary destination!

Undyne’s not an expert like I am though!

I parked the Bonemobile in the front, noting there weren’t many other cars today. Approaching the door, cracks and breaks could be seen all along the sidewalk and buildings. A clue! Signs of fighting and general rambunctiousness littered the streets.

The door creaked open, as if recently knocked off its hinges just a few nights ago. Not much light found its way inside the bar other than the owner himself. The good thing about Grillby was you could never miss him, being the fire monster that he is. His flames crackled quietly, reminding me of the never-ending rain just outside. The orange glow of his fire made the bar appear to be bustling with invisible shadowy patrons.

Grillby welcomed me with his customary silence, his glasses glimmering. A nod my way, and it was back to work cleaning mugs. Despite the shadows themselves, not many other monsters were here. It was morning, after all.

“Hey there, Papy!” A voice called out to me. It wasn’t Undyne. One of the regulars. A strange bunny head with swirly eyes smiled happily, seated directly on one of the tables. “Been a while since I’ve seen you come around here! Haven’t even seen your brother in a couple days either!”

Normally, I’d be polite and make conversation, but I was quite busy today. “GREETINGS!” I replied, tipping my fedora towards the monster. For some reason, they frowned at that.

That’s when I spotted her. My fishy friend sat fiercely on her barstool, the light glow of a cigarette highlighting those dangerous fangs of hers. Accompanied by her battered coat covered with rips and tears, she wore a harsh frown, staring forward at some distant memory that only she could see.

“UNDYNE!” I called out, ecstatic to see her again.

As I made my way over, her lone eye stared my way. “Geez, Papyrus…” she sighed, puffs of black smoke escaping her gills.

“I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE BUSY,” I said, taking a seat next to her.

She took a gulp of her drink. Ice clanked noisily against her teeth, amplifying the silence as I waited. “I guess I lied, then,” Undyne said finally, still staring into the darkness.

So cold. It was an unusual response that shook me to my soul. I wanted to say more, and usually I’m quite good at blurting out anything that comes to mind, but all I could ask was, “WHY?”

She didn’t seem to like that either. A light crinkle of the eyebrow, a slight grit to her teeth, but it was just for a moment. “It’s nothing I want you involved in.”

I had to use some of my patented enthusiasm to lighten the mood. “THERE’S NOTHING I CAN’T HANDLE! YOU CAN TELL ME UNDYNE! TOGETHER, WE CAN-”

“Just stop it, Papyrus,” she growled.

Ah. Well. I can’t lie to you, notepad. That hurt me more than I expected. But that’s okay! Friends go through bad times. Undyne didn’t mean it!

Right?

“B-BUT! YOU’RE THE BEST PARTNER A DETECTIVE COULD EVER ASK FOR!” I continued, knowing there must be a way to reach her. “MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU’RE THE BEST FRIEND I COULD EVER ASK FOR!”

“I know what I am,” Undyne mumbled under her breath between drinks. “That’s the problem.”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND.”

Whatever was in that darkness, Undyne finally decided to leave it. She turned to face me now. “Papyrus, I thought I was protecting you.” She paused, curling a hand into a fist. Was she angry at me? “Turns out I was wrong. I was hiding behind you.”

I still didn’t understand, but maybe that wasn’t important right now. “THAT’S OKAY, UNDYNE! YOU CAN HIDE BEHIND ME ANYTIME YOU WANT!” I gave her my best muscle man flex, which I learned straight from her.

She laughed at that. A hearty happy laugh. She laughed, but she cried at the same time. No, no, Undyne wouldn’t cry. It was just the rain.

“Papyrus,” she sighed, wiping the rain away from her eye. “That’s not fair to you.”

“IT’S PLENTY FAIR!” I continued, I wouldn’t give up on her! “SOMEONE AS GREAT AS I AM CAN HIDE ALL THE MONSTERS I WANT!”

It was raining hard, but she still smiled. “Maybe you’re right.” She laughed a strange sad laugh. “But I can’t keep hiding. I’ve been hiding too long.”

Not knowing what I was talking about has never stopped me before! “WELL, STOP HIDING THEN! WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO?”

Her gaze fell back to that darkness, smile vanishing in the process. “I dunno.”

“SO IT’S LIKE A PUZZLE? I’M GREAT AT THOSE! AMONG OTHER THINGS OF COURSE, BUT ESPECIALLY GREAT AT PUZZLES!” Work with me here, Undyne!

Undyne couldn’t quite get a grip on where to look anymore. “I think this is a puzzle I need to solve on my own.”

I was getting nowhere fast with her. I sighed. Maybe I should just give up? I’ve never given up on anything! But… maybe it’s for the best? What if Undyne really was relying on me too much? I mean, I don’t blame her of course! But at the same time, what if she really does need me? What should I do?

“Like, hello?”

Undyne is strong enough, too! She can handle anything! But, then, why wouldn’t she tell me?

“Excuse me, but like, hellooo??”

Like, what should I do? What should I say? What could, like, totally get my friend back?

“Like, oh my god, come on!!”

“NYEH!” I yelled, startled, taken back from my grizzled musings. “Y-YES?” I stuttered, not frightened or anything, just … just a stutter, okay!!?

An alligator with golden curly locks stared up at me, eyebrows raised. Atop her head she wore a large brimmed hat with a few mustard stains along the middle. “You’re, like, totally that detective guy, right?”

Wowie! I’m finally getting recognized! “YES I AM!” I said confidently, striking a heroic pose. “GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS, AT YOUR SERVICE!”

Undyne grunted and returned to her drinking. Her fishy ears did perk up at the sound of a possible client.

Maybe…

The dame eyed me over, clearly impressed, but too embarrassed to show it. “Yeah, like, that’s cool, and whatever.” See!? She thought I was cool! “I was, like, out by the dumpsters, you know?? Looking for, like, some great accessories and whatever! But I totally saw, like, a _bunch_ of your flyers in the trash right?? At first I was sooo like ‘oh my god what a loser!’ but then, that was like, totally before I really needed your help, you know??”

Her way of talking was, like, totally rubbing off on me! Oh no, this is, like, totally ruining my tone! Luckily for her, I’m a great listener! Even if she was sooo totally going on a tangent!

“So, like, I’m completely desperate here!” she continued. “I went to every detective and help agency I could find, but they’re, like, all so lame!! Saying things like, ‘only an idiot would take your case’ and ‘we don’t work for free.’ But then, like, I totally remembered! You do!” She was very pleased with herself for remembering. “I was out by the dump again when I saw you enter this totally super lame bar. I was debating just how desperate I, like, really was, you know??”

This would usually be the time where Undyne makes the client to get to the point. I guess I’d have to do it?

I attempted my best cough, which turned into a rather loud sputtering noise. On the plus side, it got this alligator’s attention! “MIGHT I ASK WHAT YOU NEED OF ME, MISS…?”

She blinked. “Bratty, I’m like, Bratty.” The gator gave out a grief filled sigh, remembering her task finally. “My B.F.F. Catty is in some major trouble.” Her gaze drifted away as she began to fiddle with her brightly colored claws. “Like, she’s been arrested and accused of murdering another monster? It’s _super_ lame, ya know?”

I heard a glass clank behind my muscular body. Undyne must have been just as surprised as me. “MURDER?” I repeated, baffled. “BETWEEN MONSTERS?”

Bratty waved her wrist at me excitedly. “I know, right??? Like, there’s never been a case of a monster killing another monster in, like, forever??”

She was absolutely right. A murder between monsters was unheard of. Sure, there have been times where humans were involved, but humans are strange creatures, and usually cases like that are dealt on their side of things. Even then, they were very rare.

It seems Undyne couldn’t resist. She finally turned to face us, clearly interested. “Your friend… she’s already been arrested, hasn’t she? What do you expect us to do about it?”

Bratty was back to twiddling with her painted claws. “Like, well, I dunno! They’re going to be holding the first ever monster trial, and no one is willing to defend my best friend!”

Eyebrow raised, Undyne asked, “Lady, do we look like lawyers to you?”

Oh!

Oh!! _Oh!!!_

“OBJECTION!” I shouted at the top of my non-existent lungs, startling both scaly women. “I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE TRAINED IN THE ART OF LAWYERING!”

“What.” Undyne was simply baffled by my raw power and talent.

Rummaging through my pockets and dropping a few aces here and there, I found my secret treasure. Something I’ve been waiting to use for a long time! “NYEH, HEH, HEH!” I held it out in front for all to see. “MY ATTORNEY BADGE!” The badge itself was a small bronze pin, decorated with an adorable bone in the center to show off my skeletonly stature. It was made of the finest of plastics!

Bratty was so thrilled she could hardly stay still. Undyne, however, was still playing her skeptical detective roll.

“Where did you get that?” She stopped herself. “No, wait, when did you train to be a lawyer?” She placed a hand on her head and mumbled something along the lines of, “I’ve been drinking too much, haven’t I?”

Ah, great questions! I could feel the color coming back to my life, feel the adrenaline pumping through my bones! This is just what I needed! “QUITE A WHILE BACK, SANS GAVE ME A PORTABLE ELECTRONIC LAWYER SIMULATOR! IT TEACHES YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BEING AN ‘ACE ATTORNEY!’”

“Like, while your life story is probably suuuper interesting,” Bratty interrupted. “I sort of, like, totally forgot to mention something really important??” She laughed nervously. “The trial, like, kind of sort of starts in twenty minutes?”

Oh, now that’s a good ol’ fashioned twist if I ever heard one!

Undyne was all sorts of twisted up. “Are you joking?! There’s no way we can-”

I pointed a bony finger towards our potential client dramatically! “WE’LL TAKE THE CASE!”


	2. Turnabout Burgers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne and Papyrus rush to the courthouse to get right on the case! ...And to learn all the details of said case in five minutes or less!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgIK0OWf6aQ&list=PLULvqreQJEtAdubwWS-rwYUNql8Gne5N0)

Tires screeched, the wind howled, and a maniac laughed in a storm of chaos as my car slipped through the city.

“Paps, this really cheered me up,” Undyne said between her hollering. “I’m glad you’re finally letting me drive your car, but-”

“BONEMOBILE.”

“Bonemobile, sorry,” she snickered. “But are you sure it’s a good idea I drive after I’ve been drinkin’?”

I was in the back seat, skull bumping and bones rattling the whole way, trying my best to change ~~costumes~~ suits. “OF COURSE YOU’VE BEEN DRINKING, UNDYNE! YOU’RE A FISH!” What a strange thing to ask. I’d be worried if she _wasn’t_ drinking. “PLUS, WE REALLY ARE IN A RUSH!”

I could swear Undyne was going to protest, but instead she decided to shrug and push the pedal to the metal. I normally would never allow such reckless driving! A good detective/lawyer (Detecter?) must always play by the rules! But an innocent’s life was at stake. There was no time to dilly-dally.

Plus, it was so nice to see Undyne smiling again.

The ride was a bit bumpy, I suppose. I think we took flight at least one or two times during the drive, but I’m fairly certain you can’t get in trouble for breaking the laws of gravity. A few nice men honked at us, shouting how impressed they were with Undyne’s driving, too!

Ah, notepad, you might be wondering ‘ _But Papyrus! You’re so great! What are you doing in the backseat?_ ’ and I’d say to you, ‘ _Notepad, that’s a great question! It deserves a great answer!_ ’ I keep all my suits and outfits in the back of the Bonemobile, just in case! You never know when you might need to be an archeologist or a chef or an astronaut or a post-apocalyptic-biker or a lawyer! It’s just professionalism, really.

It wasn’t long before we arrived at the courthouse. I stepped out into the relentless rain, bone umbrella at the ready. I couldn’t afford getting my nice blue suit all wet! I straightened my tie (made from the same fabric as my old scarf!) and grabbed my suitcase, feeling particularly handsome. My bone badge glimmered under the overcast skies. Can’t say I don’t miss being grizzled, though.

“Wow, you’re looking spiffy.” Undyne grinned, rain dousing her like always. She refused to change, apparently feeling much more comfortable in the detective get up.

I gave her a sassy wink back. There wasn’t much time left, however! With a splish and a splash, we dashed through puddles and ran up the steps of the old monster courthouse. I noticed along the way that there appeared to be posters all over the walls and outsides, but I couldn’t get a glimpse at what was on them. Possibly advertising the re-opening?

Undyne, of course, crashed through the double doors, breaking them off their hinges. That’ll probably never be a twist, but it certainly made for a spectacular entrance. The lobby was grand and expansive – and it looked expensive, too! Polished to an unbearable sheen, the floor reflected everyone walking across it. Monsters of every kind chattered and gossiped away, their voices echoing amongst each other against the cool marble walls.

Our new client stood out from the crowd. Using my latent detective abilities, I perused that this could be none-other than Catty! Considering she was the only cat in handcuffs and two stern Whimsalots guarded her every move, it was obvious, I suppose.

When her eyes met with my sockets, I witnessed her frown turn upside down! Catty wore a stylish fur coat, but like Bratty, it appeared this was also found in a dumpster.  Just a few wrinkles and burger stains after all, nothing _that_ bad. As Undyne and I approached her stoically, I saw hope sparkle in her eyes screaming, ‘ _like, I am SO saved!_ ’

Nyeh heh heh! Just as I was about to greet her, however, my suitcase lock came undone, causing bones, aces, and spaghetti to spill out to the floor. Catty’s eyes dimmed and her upside-down-frown turned upside down again. Whoops!

“Are you, like, my lawyer?” she asked.

Packing up my case again, I gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up. “YOU BETCHA! GREAT LAWYER/DETECTIVE PAPYRUS AT YOUR SERVICE!” I pointed to my best friend. “AND PRETTY-GOOD DETECTIVE/LAWYER ASSISTANT UNDYNE!” Undyne flexed, correcting me that she was also ‘pretty great.’

Catty blinked. “Like, I am so dead.”

Getting to the point like she always did, Undyne asked, “Can you give us a run-down on what happened? What evidence they have and all that junk?”

“How much do you guys, like, know?”

I winked. “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!”

Her golden feline eyes widened again. Wowie! I didn’t think it was even possible to make her lose more hope than she already had lost! Impressive! With a sigh, she gave us the details. “Like, they think I killed this guy I know. Burgerpants.” She looked us both in the eyes, glowing with passion. “I, like, would never! Sure, he was totally weird, but I would, SO never do that! Murder is totally lame!”

I was jotting down all the details I could, so Undyne asked the questions. “Okay okay, but why do they think you did it then?”

Catty looked away at that. I saw sweat forming around her fur. “W-well, like, I guess I was sort of at the scene of the crime where his dust was found.” She turned back to us, a strange fire in her eyes again. “But! We were, like, supposed to meet there! He was, like, bringing me some free burgers!”

Undyne raised an eyebrow at our client. “That can’t be the only reason.”

Catty’s fur was standing on end, holding her paws up like she had been caught red handed again. “L-like! W-well!” She stuttered a few more ‘likes’ and ‘totallys’ in there, sweating more than Undyne even! “I, like, guess they kind of sort of found some of Burgerpants’ dust on me.”

“…Where on you?” Undyne asked sternly.

Catty looked left and right. She licked her lips and tried to wave it off as not a big deal.

Oh no. She licked her lips again. Oh no!!

Undyne was clearly thinking what I was thinking. “You didn’t…” she started, unable to say it. “Did you?”

Catty laughed nervously. “I-I…” she looked down at the tiled floor. “I, like, totally did…”

“You ate some of the victim’s dust?!”

Oh, wow!! That was _way_ worse than what I was thinking! I thought she just got it on her shoe or something.

Catty was inconsolable now. “I, like, so didn’t mean to! It must have, like, like, fell on the burgers! I, I didn’t know! Cannibalism is SO totally lame! I would never be caught DEAD eating another monster!” She added one last part with a stutter, “O-on purpose that is…”

Undyne craned her head back and pressed her palm into her face, wincing. “Oh, god.” 

But I wouldn’t let a little accidental cannibalism bring my spirit down! I knew my client was innocent! “DON’T WORRY MY FELINE FRIEND!” I said, patting her on the back maybe a bit too roughly. “I’VE NEVER LOST A COURT CASE IN MY ENTIRE CAREER!”

“Like, there’s never even been a trial before this.”

“YOU REALLY MUST LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE! IT’S STILL TRUE, TECHNICALLY!”

Catty finally calmed down, but mostly because she had given up. There’s been too much giving up lately! I have to show everyone, Undyne included, that you should never give up! Even when the odds are stacked against you! Even if you’re an accidental cannibal!

“The trial of Cannibal Catty will begin shortly! Take your places everyone ;),” a sweaty voice shouted through the lobby.

The Whimsalots placed their police clubs in their palms and shook their heads. They took a miserable Catty away down the hall somewhere else while the rest of the monsters scattered. Undyne and I nodded to each other and found our way to the courtroom.

Wowie! This place was even bigger further inside! And spiffier! Large columns upheld the arched roof, where the depiction of the great lady monster of justice was displayed! It was truly a sight to behold; I always get so caught up in the breathtaking way her tentacles engulfed the sky, holding up the frying pan of law and order, with the egg yolks symbolizing the searing harshness that was the truth! Yet the artist obviously employed some creative freedom here and there. She had way more rows of razor sharp fangs than that! And only one peg leg! No one took historical accuracy seriously these days.

Many of the monsters gathered into the seats available, really packing this place up. A few banners were placed around the walls announcing the ‘Grand Re-Opening’ of the monster’s court house! Well, it was very important for people to know the events going on in the law world! Although I noticed there were also a few spotlights hanging from the ceiling, giving the courtroom a more theatrical atmosphere than an orderly court-of-law. But then, I suppose that TV court dramas were much the same way, so it all checked out!

Undyne and I set up on the left most side of the court room where our defense bench was located, placing my suitcase by one of the elevated desks. I looked across the room to the desk opposite of us, where the prosecutor would be standing, but noticed it was empty. To our left was the judge’s seat, a rather formidable piece of furniture if I must say so! It was high up, able to watch over the proceedings easily.

The judge was also missing!! What!

I heard a low murmur as the crowd of monsters seated themselves in balconies around the courtroom. They looked to be as unsure as us as to what was going on. Boy, there certainly were a lot of monsters here…

Undyne tapped me on the shoulder, bringing me back to the task at hand. “Paps, I’m not so sure about this,” she admitted. “This is a serious court case.” She paused with a frown. “I honestly can’t even say I’m sure that this Catty _didn’t_ kill the guy.”

I knew what was happening. I don’t think she completely regained all her confidence since Grillby’s yet. “BUT! UNDYNE! YOU KNOW I’LL TAKE THIS TRIAL SERIOUSLY!”

She flinched. “No, it’s not that. I know that, but, well… I just mean this is someone’s life we’re talking about.”

I understood.

“REMEMBER, UNDYNE! IF WE DON’T HELP HER NO ONE ELSE WILL! LEAVING HER WOULDN’T BE VERY JUST, WOULD IT?”

Undyne blinked. “You know, Paps, you’re right!” She grinned, clenching her fist. “No matter what happens, we’re fighting for justice!” Then with a shout, “YEAH!!!” which startled more than a few audience members. “So, how much training did you get with that human lawyer simulator, anyway?”

“OH, I TRAINED FOR WEEKS!” I nodded sagely. “NEVER WAS ABLE TO WIN THE FIRST TRIAL, THOUGH.”

Her eye widened. “What?!”

Before I could go on, I was interrupted by that sweaty voice again. “All flex for the honorable judge. ;)”

Finally! I gave my best flex while all the other monsters in the audience flexed their hardest too. The ones without arms were having quite the bad time, though. Our bailiff, Aaron, was seriously impressed.

“hey, guys, don’t _sweat_ on the formalities. i’m not one to _flex_ my power.”

Oh, god, no.

“SANS!” I roared with anger, the puns already infesting my mind. “YOU’RE THE JUDGE?”

My brother looked down at me from his cushy seat, (practically a throne!) and winked. He wore his usual blue snow jacket, and I’m certain he had those fuzzy pink slippers back there as well. He didn’t even dress up! Again!

“don’t _misjudge_ me, paps.” I couldn’t groan loud enough if I tried! And I did! “i took this job years ago. the pay’s great.”

I slammed my bony hand down on the desk. “THERE’S BEEN NO CRIMINAL TRIALS UNTIL NOW!” I paused. “OH MY GOD, YOU’RE SWINDLING THE GOVERNMENT, AREN’T YOU?”

Sans waved his wrist lazily. “chillax, bro, i promised someone i’d be the best judge.”

“BUT WE’RE BROTHERS! YOU’LL BE BIASED TOWARDS ME! THIS NEEDS TO BE A FAIR TRIAL!”

“don’t worry, bro. i won’t even _bias_ a snack until the trial is over.” He grinned so wide, I really wanted to punch him, but there were too many witnesses. _(Please note: I would never punch my brother. Probably.)_ “if it makes you feel better, i’ll prove i’m not bias by giving you a strike right now.”

“WOWIE!” What a great idea! “THANKS, BROTHER, THAT’S PERFECT!”

Undyne didn’t seem too happy about this, narrowing her eye toward Sans. “I thought you said you weren’t one to judge?”

“that’s two strikes.”

“UNDYNE STOP! IT’S THREE STRIKES AND YOU’RE OUT!” I paused, placing a bony finger on my magnificent chin, looking to my brother for guidance. “OR IS THAT BASEBALL?”

Sans shrugged.

Hmm. On the subject of courtroom-etiquette-clearly-not-being-followed, that reminded me. Where was the prosecutor? Maybe they weren’t going to show up? This could be great news for Catty!

“HEY, SANS!” I called out.

“yeah, bro?”

“DO YOU KNOW WHO THE PROSECTOR IS BY ANY CHANCE?”

Sans grinned at that. Well, more than usual. Well, the same amount as always actually, but I _could tell_ he was trying to grin _more_. “all i can say is you two have _met_ this guy a _ton_.”

Undyne and I exchanged glances. Oh no, it couldn’t be?!

An explosion of plaster and wood rang out from the opposite side of the court room.

“ ** _OOOOOOOOOH YESSSSSSS_!** ”

The audience was in a complete uproar, screaming their lungs out, not in fear, but for their star. Mettaton. Miraculous manbot meticulously made of metal. Mettaton.

Marvelous!

Techno blared and a bass ‘ _unce unce unced’_ accordingly to its genre’s standards. I could feel the beat in my bones. Literally! It was quite overwhelming! Aaron was a least having a good time. Where did he find glow sticks!?

“Good morning my darling monsters!” Mettaton murmured into his microphone melodically. The bot was back in his boxy body. A burgundy red suit with frilly white edges clung to his frame. “Are you all having a good time!?”

“ _Yeah!!!”_ the crowd cheered.

“Are you all ready to see me, _Mettaton_ , prove Cannibal Catty guilty?!”

“YEAH!!!”

Undyne socked me lightly in the ribs. “Papyrus!” she scolded.

“I’M SORRY, UNDYNE, I GOT CARRIED AWAY.”

“order. order,” Sans yawned out lazily, which somehow got audience to quiet down. “yeah, i’d like to order a large pizza, extra ketchup, to the courthouse.” Oh my god, he was on the phone. Pink slippers resting on his desk, he stared at _us_ like we were bothering _him_. “don’t mind me, fellas.”

Even without shoulders, Mettaton managed to shrug quite masterfully. “Let’s just get straight to the point, then! The defendant, Catty, is charged with brutally killing the monster known as Burgerpants. She was caught at the scene of the crime, eating stolen MTT brand burgers (™) covered in the victim’s dust.” The audience booed, completely under Mettaton’s mesmerizing magic. “Quite an open and shut case, if I do say so myself!”

Sans nodded lazily. “seems to be the _case_ ,” he yawned. “i’m ready to deliver my verdict.”

What!? Oh, geez, whoops. Gotta stop doing that.

“WHAT?!” I shouted, appalled. “WE HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN A CHANCE TO SPEAK, YET!”

Shrugging, Sans said, “no offense, bro, i love you, but you haven’t even investigated the crime scene yet. believe it or not, i actually have some important business to take care of.”

While that was extremely aggravating, Undyne appeared especially angry. Her fists clenched to the point of clear strain. Her fangs ground together like a grinder. “You do, huh!?”

“yep,” he replied coolly. “thought you did too, fish-face.”

I don’t know why they were angry at each other, but that wasn’t important! My partner nearly jumped the table to attack my bro, but I interrupted. “YOUR MAGISTY!” I slammed my palm down. “THIS TRIAL IS DECIDING SOMEONE’S LIFE! AT LEAST LET US TRY!”

For a moment, those eyes of his stared out into nothing. He really had to think about this? But, as if it had never happened, his eyes returned, happy as can be. “you’re right, bro.”

Mettaton was enjoying the lavish attention from his fans. “Oh my, well, even _I_ wouldn’t want to win this case without trying! What kind of show would that be?” For the first time, he looked across the room towards us. “Don’t I know you two from somewhere?”

Wowie! Mettaton remembering me?! I adjusted my tie, making sure I looked as sharp as I sounded. “WHY YES! WE FOUND YOUR MISSING BODY!”

The lights on his chassis flickered flamboyantly, trying to process that information. “How delightfully absurd! I remember no such thing!”

He seemed to be in a much better mood since we had last spoken to him, at least! It couldn’t just be because people were watching him, right?

One thing bothered me though. “MR. METTATON, I THOUGHT YOU SAID BEFORE THAT YOUR BOXY BODY WAS MEANT TO BE USED SO NO ONE WOULD RECOGNIZE YOU ON THE STREETS?”

The persnickety prosecutor posed. “Oh, I _might_ have said something like that. But I’ve realized now, what’s the point in _not_ being noticed?” Mettaton motioned his hands towards the crowd, causing a cacophony of cheering.

Good point!

Undyne slammed her boot against our defense desk, as if she were ready to kick the thing over. “Enough distractions, already!”

“Oh my!” Mettaton mocked. “Darling, anger is such an _ugly_ color on you.” Before Undyne could retort, he went on. “But! You are very right! I think it’s time to call my first witness to the stand!” Mettaton turned towards the audience. “Or should I say _witnesses_!?”

A dramatic twist if I ever heard one! Well, I was mostly prepared for this! The Great Lawyer Papyrus and the Turnabout Burgers would be a case for all to remember! Nyeh heh heh!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note about the first story, Kidnappings in the Early Evening. The wonderful [Papyreads](http://papyreads.tumblr.com) has been making a podfic for it, along with great art! Right now the first four chapters have been updated with a link to each podfic! [Please check it out!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6985756/chapters/15918205)


	3. Doggone Detectives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Great Detective Papyrus tries his hand at cross-examination! But do all witnesses get doggy treats for their statements?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested courtroom [music!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfNQ-Igw1tY&list=PLULvqreQJEtAxvey2Ymr9_hjLfpq3RG_m)

The courtroom. It can be somber, humbling place when one was faced with its existence. It was a place where the fate of defendants would be decided, dedicated to uphold the sacred tenets of justice and the search for the truth! …At least, I believe that was what it was meant to do. The courtroom had only started existing again three hours ago, so I am mostly guessing at this point. But they are good guesses, I assure you!

The rest of the monsters certainly wanted justice and truth. That must have been why they were screaming Mettaton’s name. So that he could help move the truth-searching process along!

A spotlight appeared over Mettaton’s charismatic character. “Ladies and gentleman, I’d like to present you all with the city’s number one couple…” he made a gesture as if he were telling a secret, “…right next to me, myself, and I, of course…” Short pause for audience applause. “Detectives Dogamy and Dogaressa!”

Undyne flinched as the crowd went wild...again! Spotlights danced on the stage for a short time before merging together smack dab in the middle, revealing two adorable dog monsters standing together before the witness podium. They wore matching pinstripe suits and couldn’t help but nuzzle each other’s noses at almost every moment. Wowie, what great friends they were!

“peace. peace. i will have peace,” Sans said, bringing the audience back down to quiet town. “yeah, hand me a piece of that pizza, aaron, thanks.” It was covered in ketchup. I wasn’t sure there was even pizza under there. I wasn’t even sure Sans was paying attention to the trial at all, honestly!!

Mettaton leaned languidly, elbows resting on his desk. “State your names and occupation, please.”

The dogs lifted their noses in the air for a moment, giving the room a good sniff before they went back to nuzzling. “I’m Dogamy! (And I’m Dogaressa!)” they said together. Dogamy spoke in a light airy tone, his voice happy and excited. (Dogaressa sounded similar, but rougher, her barks and yips powerful and confident.) “We’re detectives! (The BEST detectives!)”

Well, I certainly doubt that! Maybe second best detectives. Undyne agreed with me.

“We were hired to investigate the murder! (By that nice talking toilet over there!)” The dogi sniffed in Mettaton’s general direction.

The lights flickered out on the pants-less prosecutor, practically paralyzing him. “A-hem! You mean Mettaton!” His voice’s volume levels appeared to be malfunctioning.

“That’s okay! (We don’t have to go anyway.)”

Mettaton gripped the edge of his table a bit too roughly. “Yes, well…” I could hear his gears grinding! “Please tell the people what you found.”

The dogi wagged their tails happily. “There were so many smells at the crime scene! Familiar smells even! (I think we added a few of our own.) We sniffed the dust by the dumpster. (It was definitely that Burgerpants cat!) And we sniffed around some more, and we smelt another cat! (Can’t trust cats.) The other cat smell belonged to that Catty! (I told you, can’t trust cats!) We could smell Burgerpants on her breath even! (Horrible!)”

Mettaton might not have had a face, but I could tell he was pleased with himself. “Of course. Can’t argue with a dog’s sense of smell. What else did you find?”

The dogi were really excited now, their little feet tapping away on the floor, running in place. “There were claw marks on the dumpster! (From a cat! A cat must have done it!) It was clearly _Pink_ magic! (That Catty knows **Pink** magic!)”

Mettaton was laying atop his desk, sighing scandalously. “Well, well! That _is_ quite the evidence against her, isn’t it?”

“smells like it to me,” Sans added.

“OBJECTION!” I shouted, adrenaline pumping through my bones. Wow, that felt so cool! “DON’T ASSUME OUR CLIENT’S GUILTY JUST YET!”

The smug cyborg certainly could have been smirking. “Oh? And just why not?”

“WELL!” I paused. Oh, boy. This was a lot harder than I thought. Everyone was looking right at me. I couldn’t remember what I was going to say! Was I going to even say anything? “I… UH…”

I heard a noise come from the judge’s seat. Mettaton countered quick enough, however. “That’s what I thought.”

“Hold it, punks.” Undyne’s arms were crossed over her chest, cigarette billowing from her lips. “Just why would Catty kill Burgerpants anyway? What was her motivation?”

Oh! That was great! I’m so glad I have Undyne for help.

The dogi’s noses finally stopped nuzzling, choosing now to really smell over in our direction. “Fishy friend? (Is that you?!)”

“We’ll catch up later,” Undyne went on. “Answer the question.”

Their eyes went wide, as if they had just gotten scolded for getting into a treat jar they weren’t supposed to get into. “T-the cat’s motivation…? (Well, they’re cats! Of course they’ll kill each other! They’re not sophisticated like us dogs!)” they barked, tongues drooling.

“THAT’S AN OFFENSIVE STEROTYPE!” I countered. “FURTHERMORE, THERE’S BEEN NO PROOF OF A MONSTER KILLING ANOTHER MONSTER FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS! REGARDLESS OF SPECIES!” Ooh, I just thought of that on the spot! Undyne’s energy really inspired me. She grinned my way.

Dogamy was on the verge of tears already, but Dogaressa was showing her teeth. “A-am I a bad dog?...(No! Monster or not, cats are the type to kill each other! They’re the bad ones!)”

Nyeh heh heh, this was going well! The witnesses were already having trouble keeping it together.

“ _Objection_ , darlings!” Mettaton wagged his finger at us like we were the bad dogs here. “Regardless of their species, I think we can safely say Catty killed my poor sweet Burgerpants for obvious reasons.”

“Oh yeah?!” Undyne growled. “Just try and prove it!” Ah, well, that might have been a bit too antagonistic, though…

The giddy glee-bot giggled. “Simple enough, even an _uncultured brute_ such as yourself could understand.”

Glowing spears materialized in my partner’s hands as she stood tall atop our defense’s desk. “I’ll show you a brute!” she roared, about to lob her weapon.

“UNDYNE, NO!” I scrambled my bony arms as hard as I could, trying to pull her back down. “IF YOU USE VIOLENCE, SANS WILL HOLD US IN CONTEMPT!”

Gripping her weapons hard, Undyne fought the urge to go in spears blazing. “What’s contempt?”

“i’ll start telling _contemporary_ jokes,” Sans piped in.

“PLEASE, NO!”

“what’s the deal with airline food.”

“HISTORICALLY SPEAKING, THAT WAS NEVER EVEN A REAL JOKE!”

“hey, don’t hold my jokes with _contempt_ , bro.”

My head felt like it was going to explode! Luckily, Undyne realized I was suffering and settled down, if not grumbling a little here and there.

“go on, metts.”

The arrogant automaton appeared to really enjoy that outburst. “With pleasure,” he bowed dramatically. “Before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, I was saying that Catty’s motivation for killing Burgerpants was quite simple.” He paused for tension. “The celebrity taste of MTT brand Glamburgers™ of course!”

Undyne punched down onto the desk. “Oh, for crying out loud… Objection! That’s absolutely ridiculous!”

Mettaton wagged a finger. “Oh, but is it, darling?” A small compartment opened on his body, revealing a pretty piece of paper. With a quick motion, he taped a tiny pair of spectacles to his chassis. “Our report here says Cannibal Catty was quite the dumpster diver! It seems she lived directly off the streets even! Finding a reliable source of food that way must be difficult.”

I really didn’t like where this was going.

“In her eyes,” Mettaton went on, the lights around the room darkening for effect. “She must have been absolutely starving. What else could drive a monster to kill if not for their own survivability? In her world, it was kill or be killed.”

Oh gosh, that was surprisingly reasonable. Looking over, I could tell Undyne was sharing my pain at that moment. “HOW DO WE COUNTER THAT?” I whisper-yelled to her.

She gritted her fangs again, slicing the cigarette right out of her mouth. “I’m not sure,” she admitted, angry with herself. “I shouldn’t have underestimated him.”

Gah! This was tough. How were we supposed to argue against that motivation? How could we prove she _didn’t_ do that?

Unless…. hmm. “MAYBE WE CAN’T DISPROVE IT.”

Undyne’s eye went wide with disbelief. “You’re not giving up, are you?!”

I wasn’t! I had a brilliant idea though, inspired by none other than my best friend! When she’s losing a game, what does she do? Flip the table, of course! I couldn’t disprove Mettaton’s theory, but I could do something else!

“WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT DOGAMY AND DOGARESSA, UNDYNE? THEY RECOGNIZED YOU!”

“Huh?” she tilted her head. “Those two? They’re old acquaintances from back when I used to work for The Family. They have a small detective agency on the side. Their noses can’t be beat.”

The dogi in question were distracted at the moment. Sans was holding a slice of his ketchupizza, dangling it over their heads. “Food! (I smell food!) Very close! (Where is it?!) What is it? (It smells new!)”

Aha!

“MR. AND MRS. DOGI!” I called out.

Their ears perked up and their nostrils flared. “A talking snack! (Maybe if we’re good, he’ll let us bury him for later!)”

Good! So they can recognize me easy enough. Nyeh heh! “I HAVE A SIMPLE QUESTION FOR YOU TWO,” I grinned, putting my hands on my hips.

“We can answer any question! (Just give us a treat, already!)”

“WHAT COLOR IS MY TIE?”  

“ _Objection,_ darlings!” Mettaton interrupted quite quickly, looking a bit flustered. “That’s completely irrelevant!”

Skull resting in his arms, Sans yawned out, “it’s a simple enough question. i’ll allow it. go on, be good dogs and answer.”

Whimper. Dogamy sniffed in my direction, straining his eyes. Dogaressa elbowed him a bit roughly. “T-tie?...(What a stupid question! We don’t have to answer it!)”

“What’s the matter?” Undyne mocked, challenging them. “Can’t tell the color of a tie? Don’t you want treats?”

That got them riled up. Their tails wagged at lightning speeds. “Treats! (I want a treat!)” Slobber trickled from their lolling tongues. “It’s blue! (No, it’s black!) Actually, it’s pretty grey-ish? (A dark grey to be specific!)”

Yes! It was working! “I’M AFRAID THAT’S INCORRECT! MY TIE IS RED!”

Dogamy fell over himself, tears forming in his eyes. Dogaressa, however, was livid, stamping her paw down. “No treats then?... (You filthy liar! I’m telling you, it’s grey!)”

Mettaton wiped himself down with a loose rag. “So they can’t tell the color of your gaudy little tie! It doesn’t matter!”

I puffed out my chest heroically, causing Aaron to give me a thumbs-up. “BUT THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG! HOW COULD THEY KNOW PINK MAGIC WAS USED AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME?”

Tail between his legs, Dogamy cowered behind his enraged wife. Mettaton clapped his hands, demanding all attention be drawn back to him. “You don’t need to _see_ to know what kind of magic is being used, darling.”

“THAT MAY BE TRUE, BUT YOU CERTAINLY CAN’T _SMELL_ THE COLOR OF MAGIC NOW CAN YOU?”

Sparks of electricity shot out from the rampaging robot. “Fine! So they don’t know what color magic was used! Who cares?! That doesn’t change what they found!”

Honestly, notepad, I felt bad making the dogi and Mettaton so upset, but what else could I do? I had to believe in my client! “IT CERTAINLY DOES! IF THEIR ONLY TALENT IS SMELLING FOR CLUES, WHAT IF THEY GOT EVEN THAT WRONG?!”

That made Mettaton laugh. With another wag of the finger he said, “Please, there’s no way you can prove that these _dogs_ got their _smells_ wrong, darling.”

“OH, CAN’T I?!”

“You can’t!”

“CAN’T I?!”

“…No, you can’t.”

“CAN’T I?!”

“Ugh.”

“bro, i love this shtick as much as the next guy, but you really gotta prove you’re not all _bark_ ,” Sans laughed quietly.

I nodded. “FAIR ENOUGH!” Boy, I really hoped this would work. With a satisfying _click,_ I opened my briefcase and poured the contents onto Undyne.

“What the hell, Paps?!” she cried, spaghetti, bones, and aces sticking out of her coat pockets. Before she could protest, I removed her soggy rain/sweat drenched tie and began dabbing my own suit with it, placing it over my head as well. Now, this part I wasn’t going to like at all, but it was important that I proved my point! I nabbed a cigarette from Undyne’s lips and placed it between my bony teeth.

Ugh, it was horrible! I might not have lungs, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t feel the cancer billowing through my bones. “SORRY, UNDYNE! BUT I NEED TO DO THIS!”

After her little bout of grump/rage passed, a flash passed through Undyne’s eye, and I could tell she knew what I had planned.

“Just what are you two _idiots_ doing?” Mettaton mumbled madly.

I nyed and I hehed. “WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR DOGI DETECTIVES?”

Dogamy and Dogaressa were completely baffled, their noses sniffing like whirring machines. “Is that the talking snack? (Or is that fish friend?)”

Undyne strolled up to the podium casually, now only a few feet away from the furry couple. “You don’t recognize your old pal?”

I joined her in front of the witness stand. “EVEN THOUGH OUR VOICES ARE CLEARLY DIFFERENT?”

Sweat rained down in droplets around the dogi, even Aaron looked a little worried. “Y-you’re fish friend! (No, that’s the snack skeleton isn’t it?)” Their noses went into overdrive, practically booping right into us. “Is this a trick? (These are different people!)”

Mettaton nearly short-circuited. “Darlings, _darlings,_ come now, you can tell them apart!” His voice modifier was straining. “Only a _bad_ dog wouldn’t be able to recognize them!”

Dogamy couldn’t handle the pressure. An ear-piercing howl of sorrow echoed through the courtroom. Dogaressa barked and snarled threats over her husband’s whines. “Nooawoooo! I’m not a bad dog! (Look what you did! I’ll destroy you! You’re no friend, whoever you are!)”

I adjusted my ties coolly, looking up to Sans as I spoke. “I THINK WE’VE PROVED WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT THIS WITNESS’ TESTIMONEY CAN’T BE TRUSTED, YOUR MAGISTY.”

My bro was clearly impressed. In fact, I think he was even proud? “well, hot dog, it looks like you’re right. you’re gonna have to come up with something better than these two, metts.”

In a fit of pure madness, Mettaton manhandled his microphone, shattering it into a million metal pieces. Nyeh, heh, heh! Catty’s innocence was well within our grasp now!

With what seemed like a flip of a switch, the raging robot switched to a serene savant. “ _Bravo, bravo!_ ” he clapped candidly. Nyeh? “That was quite the dramatic comeback! I must admit, I was on the edge of my wheel! I didn’t think you two could do it!”

I coughed up the cigarette, feeling a bit nervous. “T-THANK YOU?”

Stars sparkled and shined on steel. “No, _thank you!_ ” He wagged a finger. “I was quite worried I wouldn’t even need to call my second witness! I’m so _glad_ we’ll be able to keep going with the trial! But, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take a short recess to prepare. Is that all right, your Honor?”

Sans nodded sleepily. “class dismissed, you kids have fun for fifteen minutes. i’ll be taking a nap.”

* * *

“Paps, that was great!” Undyne laughed, pulling spaghetti noodles out of her hair.

Wiping myself down with a dry towel, I giggled along with her. “I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!”

“Yeah,” she sighed contentedly. “We do make a good team, don’t we?”

The lobby outside the courtroom was bustling with activity. Monsters of all shapes and sizes chattered away about the exciting court case, some sounded like they were on _our_ side now! I was feeling quite proud of myself when the double doors swung open, revealing a particularly sad/grumpy pair of dogi.

The adrenaline of the case must have still been pumping as Undyne moved to greet them with a genuine smile. “Hey, guys! No hard feelings, right?” She motioned to pet their fuzzy faces.

Dogaressa snapped her teeth just before Undyne’s fingers, and Dogamy flinched away. “(Don’t you touch us!) I thought you were our friend… (You humiliated us! In front of everyone!)”

Undyne was taken aback. “Hey, I’m really sorry it had to turn out that way, but-”

“Everyone thinks we’re bad dogs now… (I’m glad you left The Family! If only you left us for good!)” Dogaressa tugged at her husband’s limp arm as the furry couple exited the building, whimpering and growling the whole way.

My partner was stunned. She stared forward at nothing, almost as if she had well… accidently kicked a puppy. I wouldn’t allow this! “UNDYNE, I’M SORRY YOUR FRIENDS GOT HURT.”

She shook her head, returning from her daydreams. “It’s okay, Paps. They’ll just need some time. I’ll give ‘em some treats and pets later. They’ll forgive me.” She nodded, sure of herself again. “We gotta deliver justice for Catty, even if it means a few people have to get hurt.”

I saw Undyne flinch as she said that – as if she was… in shock?

Sometimes I wondered if I was just making things worse for her. But, before I could console her any more, that sweaty voice echoed through the halls again.

“Recess is over! Court will be resuming, shortly! Everyone return to your places! ;)”

Luckily, Undyne is a tough cookie, and I’m a great friend! Things might look a bit rough right now, but I can assure you, notepad, that I will make sure everything turns out great! Or my name isn’t Papyrus!


	4. A Dame a Dozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another new pocky-eating witness takes the stand, providing both Papyrus and Undyne a real challenge... As well as a chance for the great detective to show off his T.V. show trivia!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested [music!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNDlHd8d_x4&index=1&list=PLULvqreQJEtBuh2RGOOSEqIIsPi4Sr7Xa)

After another round of honorable flexing, Aaron appeared to be quite content. The audience settled, the judge snoozed, and the prosecutor posed. Of course, this is the norm for court cases, so I don’t really need to be telling you this, do I, notepad?

Sans yawned. “court’s in session.”

Despite an unhappy reunion with some old pals, Undyne refused to let it get her down. Arms crossed, lips splayed in a fang-filled grin, confidence swelled in her chest and burst into mine.  

Well… that was how we felt at the time at least. I wish I could say we never lost that feeling.

“You dorky detectives proud of yourselves, hm?” Mettaton mused.

Undyne let out a hearty laugh. “Of course! We can take on anything you throw at us!”

A noise which could only be described as pure pleasure passed through the prosecutor’s pipes. “Oh my, I _do_ so hope that’s true, but alas, I fear otherwise!”

At the time, we had simply waved him off. While I always respected and looked up to Mettaton as a great performer, Undyne and I had an unbreakable bond of friendship! Just what could he possibly do to slow us down?

“Darling, darling, don’t be shy, you can come out now!” Mettaton murmured, motioning mildly.

“I-I-I’m coming, s-s-sorry.”

Undyne recognized that stutter instantly. Her confidence shattered.

“H-h-hi Undyne…” Alphys mumbled, attempting to make eye contact but only managing to stare at her yellow feet. “S-sorry.”

I certainly wasn’t ready for that either! Alphys wore her usual purple and black overalls filled to the brim with Mettaton flair. Although, something was off since I had last seen her. Her scales were paler than I remembered, like something had drained the color right out. Even when no one spoke, she winced in pain, rubbing her temples.

“Now now, don’t apologize, darling!” Mettaton cooed. “Please, do tell the court your name and occupation!”

The scientist appeared as if she had to think on this one. “I-I-I’m Dr. Alphys,” she stuttered. Much like Undyne, Alphys had a vice of her own. Unable to handle the pressure, she dug out a small box of candy sticks labeled ‘Pocky’ from her pockets, placing one of the chocolate sticks in her mouth. “I-I’m a scientist, obviously. I c-c-created Mettaton and he was k-k-kind enough to give me a job when he became a s-s-star.”

“Yes! And it’s a fabulous job, isn’t it? Could you ever ask for more?” Mettaton added, bathing in Alphys’ praise. “Tell the people how much you love it!”

Another wince. She held her eyes closed tight for a moment, shaking her head as if she were dizzy. “I-I do love it, y-yes…”

“ _Objection_!” Undyne roared, slamming a fist into our desk. The outburst startled Alphys, causing her to sporadically eat her candy even faster. “Don’t force Alphys to praise you!”

“I-i-it’s all right, Undyne, really,” she tried to say, but no one was listening.

“Forcing praise? _Me?_ ” With a dignified twirl the rascally robot faced his audience. “How can I force anyone to love me when they already do?” He held out his arms and basked in their uproarious applause. I had to try my darndest not to join in! It looked like so much fun! But Undyne would probably get mad if I did.

A vein pulsed across my fishy friend’s forehead, threatening to burst! Scary! Splinters of wood exploded in every direction as she pounded her fist harder and harder into the desk. “You worthless trash bin! You’re completely blinded by that fat ego of yours! You don’t care how she feels at all!”

I frowned. Ironically, it seems I was the only one paying attention to Alphys at this point. The poor girl wanted to be anywhere else but in the middle of this. “G-g-guys…”

Another wagging finger as Mettaton reflected the insults away effortlessly. “Hmm? Some nerve calling _me_ a trash bin when you still have spaghetti stuck to your hair.” He laughed. “Or is that just your natural hair color? Week-old spaghetti?”

Her eyelid twitched, and her lip oozed frightening dark stuff from grinding her fangs too hard. I tried my best to soothe her rage. “UNDYNE, THAT’S NOT SO BAD! I LOVE SPAGHETTI!” That only seemed to enrage her further.

She turned her head to face me and that lone eye of hers burned brighter than a gasoline fire. For once, I found myself speechless.

_Fart fart fart. **PPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAART**!_

The room went completely silent. Mettaton’s lights went out, Undyne’s rage was replaced with an inexplicable confusion, and the audience was absolutely dazed.

“heh, good ol’ whoopee cushion,” Sans laughed contently, holding his gavel above the rubber toy. “i don’t want this trial turning into a big ‘ol _stinker,_ (heh) ok, fellas? how about we let alphys speak instead of fighting over her.”

Normally, I’d be incredibly angry at my brother for being so childish! But, that was incredibly effective! Even I couldn’t get control over Undyne! Her fiery hatred was doused once she saw her girlfriend gnawing down those candy sticks faster than a beaver hyped up on coffee.

Of course, this didn’t mean Undyne was going to apologize any time soon! “Yeah. You’re right,” she said solemnly, crossing her arms.

“GREAT JOB, YOUR MAJESTY!” I gave a thumbs-up to my bro, who in turn got me a wink back.

“Your Honor,” Undyne corrected.

“HONORABLE, YOU MEAN. I AM HONORABLE, YES I AGREE!”

“No, I mean – ngah, forget it.” She sighed.  “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Agreed.” The boxy bot bowed brilliantly. “Alphys, darling, if you could tell us what you know?”

Alphys let out a startled ‘ _meep’_ once the attention was finally back on her, scattering her precious candy sticks across the floor. “O-oh, yes. Of c-c-course!” She pulled out a piece of paper with a big-headed big-eyed human on the top corner. “I-I did an analysis on the d-d-dust once the dogi brought it to me last night. According to my t-t-tests, Burgerpants’ estimated time of death should be very close to 8:30 PM.”

“HOLD IT!” I shouted, causing Alphys to jump in shock and scramble for her paper. “WOULD YOU MIND TELLING US HOW YOUR TESTS CAME TO THIS CONCLUSION MS. ALPHYS?”

Gasps and wheezes blew out of her lungs as she attempted to correct her breathing. “Y-y-yes. R-r-right.”

Undyne was concerned. “Hey, Pap, mind trying not to yell so much? She looks a bit more nervous than usual.”

I nodded. I’d try my best at least?!

Deep breaths. Alphys nodded to herself and continued, “T-t-to put it simply, I test the dust’s t-t-t-temperature. Based on how warm or cold it is; I can p-p-pretty much accurately find out the monster’s time of death. When I received B-B-Burgerpants’ dust later that night, I noticed straight away how w-w-warm it still was. He c-c-clearly had fallen down quite recently.”

“INTERESTING!” I mused. Undyne glared. I coughed and tried to clear my non-existent throat. (It’s very therapeutic even if I don’t have one!) “Interesting. What about the rain? Wouldn’t that have messed up your calculations?” Boy, I had to really really strain my voice just to keep it this low!

She shook her head. “I a-a-accounted for the rain, don’t worry. Even with all that, it was still quite w-w-warm.”

“To add on to that,” Mettaton interrupted, tossing a handful of glamorous glitter our way. “Catty was found with the burgers and the dust of our dearly deceased at almost exactly 8:30 PM as well.”

The judge was laying his skull on his arms, looking drowsy. “that’s some pretty _hot_ evidence against the defendant.” Gah! Puns aside, he was right!

Another wag of the finger. “Oh, but that’s not all, _darlings_! My sweet Alphys also witnessed the deceased’s final hours!”

My eyes bulged out of their sockets at what felt like a terrible blow to our defense. Nyeh! Not that I was afraid or anything!

Alphys was positively shoveling that pocky down her throat, sweat dripping from every angle I could imagine. “Y-y-y-yes, it’s t-t-t-true. I w-w-w-was at w-w-work at the time and I s-s-saw Burgerpants l-l-l-leave at 8:00 PM. H-h-he even said he was g-g-g-g-going to meet Catty.”

“I can corroborate that,” Mettaton chimed in. “As his wonderful boss, he gladly told me that he was going to see a friend that night! I didn’t see him leave, however, but luckily I can always count on my darling Alphys!”

“HANG ON!” I yelled again, before remembering to use my quiet voice. “What’s your relationship with the victim? What was his job?”

Mettaton’s lights animated into a bright red exclamation mark. “Oh my, how silly of me! I should have mentioned this before! Burgerpants was a dear _dear_ employee of mine. He worked in the fast food department of MTT studios. He absolutely loved his job and loved me with all his heart!” He placed a hand against his ‘forehead’ and made like he was going to faint. “Oh, my dear sweet Burgerpants! How I miss thee!”

Call me crazy, but I don’t think he missed thee at all! ~~~~

This was quite the evidence they had against Catty! I must admit, I was floundering a bit behind the desk. Undyne was lost in thought, however, moving her cigarette carelessly between her lips.

“Ms. Alphys,” I said through strained tones. “You’re sure you saw Burgerpants that night?”

Her glasses fogged up and her breathing intensified again. I wasn’t even loud! That shouldn’t have startled her! “Y-y-yep! 8:00 PM! For s-s-sure!” She tried to give me a confident smile, but it kind of just unnerved me.

Mettaton motioned with what appeared to be a nod. “Alphys was scheduled to work till 8:00 PM that night as well, so you can be sure she’s telling the truth.”

This didn’t seem right! Alphys was extra nervous, even for her! Could she be lying about when she last saw Burgerpants? Why would she lie? Even if she was, how could I possibly prove it?

I looked over to Undyne for assistance. Who would know more about Alphys than her girlfriend, of course! But she remained strangely quiet, staring ahead, deep in thought again. “UNDYNE!” I whisper-yelled, breaking her out of the trance. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS?”

She frowned, unable to keep eye contact with me. “I might. But…”

“BUT WHAT? THE UNDYNE I KNOW WOULD NEVER HESITATE!”

A few blinks. Undyne kept her voice low. “I don’t know. Alphys is already so stressed, you know? She looks sick with it even. I don’t want to embarrass her or anything,” she sighed. “Like I did with Dogamy and Dogaressa.”

Ah, of course. Undyne was a fierce warrior, but she’d never hurt her friends! On purpose, that is. Well, maybe a little on purpose, but usually only with physical violence.

“CATTY IS DEPENDING ON US, THOUGH!” I argued. “WE PROMISED WE’D HELP HER! YOU DON’T WANT SOMEONE TO GET FALSELY ACCUSED IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING, RIGHT? IMAGINE IF I GAVE SOMEONE A PLATE OF SPAGHETTI AND I KNEW IT WASN’T ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS! THAT WOULD BE WRONG!”

She thought on that for a moment. “I’m not so sure about that analogy, but I guess you’re right.” Undyne clenched her fist. “Justice needs to be delivered.” Just like my delicious spaghetti! Justghetti! _Oh!_ I’m keeping that one!

“Tick, tock, darlings!” Mettaton mimed a watch on his hand. “Or have you finally given up?”

“We’ll never give up,” Undyne grinned, eye flaring with a magical light. “Alphys.”

The mousy lizard flinched at that. “Y-y-yes, Undyne?”

My fishy friend calmly placed her palm down on the battered desk. “You say you saw Burgerpants leave work at 8:00 PM last night. Sunday, wasn’t it?”

Pant. Wheeze. Alphys was sweating more bullets than a machine gun. “Y-y-yep! Sunday at 8:00 PM!”

“I have a hard time believing that.” Undyne’s eye was sharper than her spears.

Alphys laughed, but it was a high-pitched laughter. “W-w-why would you think that?”

Her words were slow. Deliberate. “Game of Bones. I know you’ve heard of it. It airs new episodes every Sunday at 8:00 PM.”

Oh! Game of Bones! I loved that show! It was about skeletons living in medieval times, fighting for a chance to sit on the Bone Throne! The show is filled with betrayal, twists, and steamy romances! I never miss it myself.

Judging by Alphys’ reaction, she appeared to be quite the fan, too! Her eyes lit up for but a moment at the mention of the name, ready to gush. “S-s-sure! I l-like Game of Bones! S-so what?”

Undyne frowned and pointed an accusing spear her way. “I watch it with you every week! You’d never miss even a second of it, no matter what!”

Wowie! What a twisting attack! But, this didn’t have the effect on Alphys that I thought it would! She didn’t get nervous at all! In fact, her face crinkled up in what looked to be anger.

A pocky stick in her grip crumbled to dust in her claws. “Y-yeah?! W-w-what do you know! You weren’t with me t-t-this week!”

I don’t think Undyne was ready for that either. The counter attack nearly knocked her off her feet, leaving her stunned. Now that I think about it, Sunday night was the time Undyne was sad and missing from work. I guess she was avoiding Alphys during that time as well.

A fit of loud clapping brought all our attentions back to Mettaton who’s lights blinked with distraught. “There’s a problem with your little theory, _darling_. First of all,” he held up one finger. “Alphys would never ditch work like that!” He held up two fingers. “Second of all, why wouldn’t she just record the show to watch later?”

Alphys was nodded angrily, chomping into her pocky with an aggression that could only be matched by her girlfriend. “Y-y-yeah!”

A flick of the wrist, so lax and so simple, and their attacks were deflected. Undyne’s grin was wild, untamed, as if she were in the heat of real battle. “If I’m understanding correctly, you should have had no time to watch Game of Bones yet, right Alphys? You must have been working with Mettaton on those tests non-stop.”

Metal screeched and hissed inside his chassis. “Of _course_ she was working with me, _darling_ ,” the words were spit out like battery acid. “Alphys is a hard worker and would do anything for _me_. The only shows that could _possibly_ make her slack off would be my own!”

Alphys nodded, but her anger had tensed. Her armor cracked. Clear to all, especially Undyne. “I-I-I was planning to watch it after the trial was over!”

Mettaton’s lights blinked way too brightly. His glitter-filled gloves gripped and grappled his desk with such a grievous force. “Exactly, _darling_ , and there’s no way you could prove she watched it!” He cheered and posed for the audience, but it was stiff and angry. Undyne had gotten under his plated skin.

Undyne’s words were as smooth as water, as still as a light brook in the forest. “You’re gonna have to try a little harder than THAT.”

A short circuit. A skull and cross bones animated itself over Mettaton’s body, blinking blood red. No one was supposed to outdo him! No one could steal the show from him! “You! You’re just bluffing! A cheap bluff, too! No one should be falling for this _amateur_ act!” Wowie! I think steam was literally whistling out of his body?

His words were nothing but a cool breeze to her. In fact, Undyne appeared to enjoy it. “Oh, Papyrus!” she called out politely.

Oh yeah! I’m here! Wowie, I was so enthralled in their battle, I completely forgot! “YES, UNDYNE?”

She faced me, but her eye was locked on Alphys. “Can you tell me what your favorite part of Game of Bones was last night?”

Before I could even think to speak, a shrill “ **S-S-stop! Spoilers!** ” rang out. If I had any ears, I’m sure they would be ringing after that.

Alphys fell right into Undyne’s trap, and both knew it all too well. Still, neither planned to give up. Mettaton, however, was left out, and furious about that fact.

“But, I need to prove a point here, Alphys,” Undyne cooed almost sarcastically. “A few spoilers to prove you’re not lying in a court of law shouldn’t be so bad, right?”

“yeah, considering this is a murder case and all, i’d say a few show details wouldn’t _spoil_ the case,” Sans added. “i’ll allow it.”

Mettaton’s fingers twitched and clenched at the edge of his desk, ready to throw the entire thing in a fit of anger. “Alphys, _darling_ ,” his voice was spiking and crackling. “It’s just some stupid show. _I’m_ not even in it! It can’t be that important!”

The pocky must have been consumed by the pound at this point. In her haste, she bit her finger on accident and screeched. “F-f-fine! I-it’s just a d-d-dumb show! I-I don’t care!”

I could swear that Undyne had a heroic wind blowing through her hair somehow. “Go, ahead, Papyrus! Tell us about some of your favorite scenes last night!” The wind stopped howling for a moment. “But, uh, a bit quietly please. For Alphys.”

Oh boy! Well, there was so much! Where to even start? Game of Bones was one of my favorite shows!

“It was all so perfect!” I started, really trying to contain my voice. Even just those words caused Alphys to cringe, but I haven’t the foggiest idea what was so wrong with that. “Tybia Boneister was great! Sure, he was small, but using his intellect and cunning, he was able to escape out of all sorts of sticky situations!”

“yeah, that guy’s my favorite.” Sans winked.

“Oh, and then there was Jon Bone!” I went on, remembering. “He got into some antics with a girl skeleton and she kept saying ‘You know something, Jon Bone? I really like you!’ Boy, was that funny!”

Alphys was breathing heavily. Her glasses were completely fogged up now, keeping her eyes hidden from all of us.

“I know it’s hard to believe, that _I,_ The Great Papyrus, might weep, but when Bonesis sacrificed his favorite toy so that he could win the baseball game…” I sniffled. Just thinking about it gets me feeling like jelly! “I cried! The writing was so beautiful! To think he still lost that game… I was so sad!”

Alphys held up a finger like she was about to halt me. She mumbled something to herself and shook her head. Mumbled a few more words. Shook her head more. She nodded. Was she having an argument with herself? I hoped she was okay. Undyne urged me to keep going, but I was starting to fear for Alphys’ safety.

“Then there was this part with Sir Bony Stan! Oh! We finally got to see him use his mythical karate chop slams!” I mimicked the fight to the best of my ability, and it was amazing, of course. Everyone was impressed. “The end of it though…” I know I was given the okay to spoil it, but I didn’t want to. “Well, let’s just say it was a great fight and ended perfectly!”

Something cracked. Eh? Glass crunching? Or the sawing of wood? What was-

“ ** _NO! NO! NO, NO NO! IT WAS SO STUPID!_** ” the voice screamed. Alphys?! “It was completely different in the manga! Sir Bony Stan was the best karate fighter in the entire Game of Bones universe! How did he get beaten by a bunch of fat untrained rich guys like that?”

I faltered. “W-WELL HE WAS SURROUNDED--”

Alphys slammed a claw down on the podium, breaking it in half. “Surrounded?! So what!? The greatest karate master shouldn’t have gotten into a situation where he was surrounded!” Her words exploded out of her lungs clearly and passionately. “In the manga, he was able to get SIX homeruns in a row, without even using a bat! Just by using his karate alone!”

“O-OH. W-WELL I DIDN’T READ THE MANGA SO--”

Alphys huffed. “Of _course_ you didn’t read the manga! I could crush my glasses on the floor and I’d still be able to see you didn’t read the manga!”

“I-I DIDN’T--”

The scientist didn’t stop there. “Ugh! Bonesis would never sacrifice his favorite toy either! That’s not canon at all! It was so dumb! He loved that toy! In the manga at least, but clearly the show doesn’t _care_ about its plot anymore if last night’s episode is anything to go on!”

The rants went on for about five or ten minutes. I chose to leave that part out because Alphys started using some language that I refuse to repeat! Even Undyne looked a little scared, but also proud?

Once she had gone through the entire episode in extraordinary detail and told us why parts of it were terrible, the little lizard finally returned to her original form. The silence was so thick and uncomfortable I could taste it. Tasted like instant noodles?

Mettaton had shut down during the rant. His lights slowly flickered back to life once he realized the torture was over. “Alphys,” Mettaton mumbled meagerly. He reached out towards the heavens as if the gods themselves unfairly tortured his soul. “Alphys, _darling_ , you’ve killed me.”

Well, that was a bit overdramatic, even for Mettaton! But, was he really acting anymore?

“S-s-sorry…” Alphys stuttered out through heaving breaths, rubbing her temples. The poor girl drifted back and forth in a woozy rhythm, leaning against the splintered and battered podium. “I-I… I shouldn’t have lied to you, Undyne.” The fishy girl frowned. “Or to you, Mettaton.” The confident computer blinked silently. “I s-s-shouldn’t have lied to anyone.”

The room was still. Neither side could find what to say. Only Alphys could continue. “I-I’ve been so stressed lately.” She kept her eyes to the ground. “I-I’ve had more work on the side than just for you, Mettaton.” He didn’t pose, he didn’t reply in a sassy tone, he simply listened. “And I knew Undyne was going through a t-t-tough time too. I-I didn’t want to be selfish. I wanted to be s-strong for everyone.”

“Alphys,” Undyne said reflexively.

“No, no,” Alphys shook her head. “I-I won’t pretend it was a good excuse to lie. My testimony should be inadmissible.” She sighed heavily. “If I’m going to be c-c-completely honest here, I don’t even know if the time of death is correct. I haven’t b-been able to rest enough, and my temperature readings just weren’t making sense.” She finally looked over to Mettaton. “I’m s-sorry. I really m-messed this up.”

A strange thing happened then.

“No, darling, _I’m_ sorry.” Mettaton apologizing? I’ve never even seen him do that in a TV show! “I’ve overworked you and I’ve taken you for granted, haven’t I?” His voice was soothing, sweet. Real, even. “Without you, I wouldn’t even exist. I should have listened to you, I should have noticed you were struggling, but I have a hard time focusing on anything but myself, I suppose. I know it won’t mean much now, but I’m going to give you a few days off.”

Alphys must have been expecting backlash. She was surprised, but relieved to hear those words. “T-that would be really nice. Thank you, Mettaton.”

Such a touching moment! My bony heart wanted to burst! “Awwww!” the audience and I murmured in unison. Rose in hand, spotlight sparkling, Mettaton’s chassis blinked with a bright red heart over his screen. He basked in their praise a little _too_ much.

“while i’m really glad we finally learned _what’s up_ with the _doc_ ,” Sans chuckled. I don’t get it! “with the testimony being inadmissible and all, we’re gonna need some more evidence to prove catty _meowled_ the victim.”

Yes! Things were going in our favor again! I just hope something doesn’t pop up at the last second and –

“Hold it! (Yeah, hold it!)” barked a couple of voices. Aw, geez. “We’ve found some new evidence at the crime scene! (Yeah, see! We’re good dogs!!)”

Tongues lolling and muzzles panting, the dogi couple scampered up onto the court stage, overshadowing Alphys’ meager form quite easily. They were running in circles, their tails wagging every which way.

Sans called them over. “what’d ya find?” he asked.

The dogi were too excitable and couldn’t stand still.

“sit,” Sans ordered casually, but with a hint of sternness. 

Dogamy sat almost instantly. Dogaressa was a bit shocked but then realized she’d probably be out of a treat if she didn’t follow suit, so she sat too.

“drop it.”

They handed it over to Aaron the bailiff who handed it over to Sans.

“good dogs.”

At the sound of praise, the dogi immediately lost control of their enthusiasm again, hopping around and doing circles with each other all while still nuzzling and licking.

Mettaton was quite interested. “Well? Don’t keep us in suspense! What is it?”

Sans held the evidence in his phalanges casually, flipping the tiny pink thing through his bony fingers. The light of his eyes focused and stared. “ain’t got a clue,” he shrugged.

“It’s a nail! (A nail from that cat!)” the dogi barked. “We found it at the crime scene! (It’s pink! We had someone else check!)” Dogaressa growled her last words out, clearly not wanting to admit or remind anyone about their color-blindness. 

Aww, it really was pink this time. Catty certainly seems the type to have pink nails, too. This couldn’t be good.

Sans looked over the evidence one last time. It was incredibly shiny, gaudy even. “yeah, does appear to be a nail, doesn’t it…” his words vanished as he became lost in thought.

Mettaton managed to clap his hands together quite loudly. “Y-your Honor!” A stutter? “If I might make a suggestion! I think we should take a thirty-minute break to analyze this new evidence and see where to go from here!”

Sans nodded, and suddenly the new evidence couldn’t be less important to him. With a flick of a wrist, he tossed it aside. “sure, why not? i could use another nap. any objections?” He looked our way.

As much as it pained me to not scream another loud ‘objection’ at the top of my magical lungs, I had to keep my cool! “NO OBJECTIONS, YOUR MAJESTY!”

“cool. meet back in a half-hour or whatever,” he yawned, placing his sleepy skull down into his arms.

Just what could this new evidence mean? Sure, the dogi claimed it was Catty’s but I had a strange feeling about it. Undyne agreed with me. Even Mettaton was particularly panicky!

Oh! Where did Alphys go?

She must have left when no one was looking.


	5. Mettaton Mettaton Mettaton!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This showstopper of a case will be absolutely beautiful! Be sure to buy your *tickets in advance and order your favorite Glamburger and sequin shake! No one delivers true justice like MTT™! 
> 
> *Refunds non-negotiable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended courtroom [music!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx429SV2l3M&index=1&list=PLULvqreQJEtCnQ16m_QIdOb3Fu2LEyybm)

“Wow, you guys are, like, totally owning in there!” Catty said, pawing at the air playfully. Her handcuffs jingled. “I’m, like, SUPER surprised! I totally thought you guys were, like, HUGE losers!” She laughed cheerfully to herself.

“THANK YOU!” I posed, feeling proud. “IT’S OUR JOB, AFTER ALL!” Undyne frowned at the sweet compliment. She must have been embarrassed! How cute!

Since we had a bit more time in our recess, and a lot less spaghetti and bones to clean up, we figured this would be the perfect opportunity to get a bit more information out of our witness! The lobby was packed once again. I couldn’t help but notice that the audience’s tone had been shifting into a strange place more and more as the case went on.

“I’m so excited for the next act!” a bunny girl hopped, talking to her friend.

“Yes, it’s quite interesting. I actually thought this was a real court case for a while at the start.”

“Mettaton’s acting is sooo good! That skeleton and fish lady could use some lessons though, but whatever! Mettaton’s carrying the show!”

Ah, well, there’s no time for eavesdropping, though. I can’t say I understood what they were talking about, but that’s a mystery for another day!

“Catty, clear something up for us.” Undyne looked quite serious as she conversed with our client. More than a foot taller than the cat monster, she angled her head down, her red hair falling over her shoulder. “You knew Burgerpants well enough. Has he ever told you he had any enemies of the sort? Someone who wanted him dead?”

“GOOD QUESTION, UNDYNE,” I praised. “I SUPPOSE THESE ARE THE KIND OF QUESTIONS WE SHOULD HAVE ASKED HER BEFORE WE WENT THROUGH THIS TRIAL.”

“Ya, like, no kidding!” Catty said, pawing at Undyne’s hair.

“Okay! Yeah, I know! Look, anyway! Just… you got anything for us, Catty?” Undyne shifted her head from Catty’s paws as she spoke. “Even a rumor about Burgerpants might help us out.”

“I mean, like, I guess Burgerpants might have had a few people not like him…” She shook her head. “He didn’t have any enemies or friends either. He was, like, kinda weird! But he was also kinda cute! Like, ya know?”

“LIKE, DO WE KNOW, UNDYNE?”

 _“No.”_ Undyne sighed, gritting her teeth as she did so. “Do you got anything else for us? We’re trying to save you from being convicted.”

“Hmmm, oh! He did say something about wanting to be a star like Mettaton or something like that. Like, the guy was super weird about Mettaton, too! Can you believe he didn’t even have a poster of him? Soooo weird!”

Undyne blinked. “Wait, back up a second. He didn’t like Mettaton? He told you that?”

“Uhhhh, he told, like, everybody!” Catty scoffed. “Anybody who’s anybody gets a glamburger and another of his life stories.”

“IS THAT THE STANDARD FARE WITH A GLAMBURGER PURCHASE?”

“No duh!”

Now, to be fair, I wasn’t sure how this would help our case in any way! Burgerpants not having any kind of social life was totally irrelevant! And the fact that he was badmouthing Mettaton didn’t paint our client in the nicest light! But I am sure he was a swell guy.

“Court is back in session! ;)” winked a voice from the courtroom’s double-doors.

“Damn, that was barely a half hour.” Undyne tugged at her collar, seething at every monster passerby. I should cheer her up!

“DON’T WORRY, UNDYNE! I’M SURE WE WILL COME UP WITH SOMETHING AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE TO TURN THIS CASE UPSIDE DOWN AND DO A FULL 360! I BELIEVE IN THE BOTH OF US!”

“Heh, yeah, you’re right.” There was that familiar, predatory, kinda scary grin from Undyne! “Although it’d have to be something crazy though…”

* * *

“Now, my dear darlings and gentledarlings! If this isn’t truly conclusive evidence, then I don’t know what is!”

Back in the crowded courtroom, I was reminded of the new evidence about our client. The pink nail was sparkling within the palm of Mettaton’s hand, almost accusing in its very existence.

“so, uh, what’s so conclusive about it?” Sans asked rather sensibly, then ruined it as he shrugged and said, “cuz i ain’t able to draw any conclusions from it.”

Instead of being rightfully offended, Mettaton explained his reasoning, which I suppose was part of his job. “While I must say Catty has some impeccable taste regarding her manicures – no tearing, an even file, and such a fine coat of nail polish with three layers, very good – this all but points to her as the true culprit to this crime! Even more so than it already has!”

The court gallery oohed and awed at Mettaton’s speech, me included! I felt Undyne jab me in the ribs.

“Papyrus, come on!”

“IT IS A VERY EXQUISITE LOOKING NAIL THOUGH.”

“That’s hardly important.”

“While it may not seem like it is important, this speaks of the impeccable taste of customers who frequently visit the esteemed MTT Nail and Salon Studio! Just the nail varnish alone tells us of its beauty!”

“Objection!” Undyne shouted, planting a boot against the counter. “How do we even know that’s from MTT?”

“Why, darling, it’s trademarked right here.”

I squinted my eye sockets quite vigorously and there! The trademarked symbol was wedged into the very corner of the nail.

Sans wasn’t even looking in the nail’s direction, but was nodding his skull listlessly. “checks out then.”

This, I soon began to realize, did not bode well for our case. And it had looked bad enough already!

“The true killer had these nails on while they decided to commit their nefarious deed. It was found just inches away from Burgerpants’ dust. And so, as they say in show business, that’s a wrap, beauties and gentlebeauties!”

Wow! This _really_ wasn’t good at all!

“CATTY,” I inquired of our client. “DO YOU GO TO MTT SALON A LOT?”

“Well, duh! I go there like, all the time!” She pawed at her black hair, keeping it down.

“BUT, DON’T YOU, LIKE, HAVE NO MONEY?”

“Ya, but my MTT husband always lets me in, right?”

The robot celebrity answered with robotic grace. “Oh honey, darling, we welcome all customers from every path of life… and with that being said, unless you pay off your previous beauty sessions, we can no longer accept your patronage.”

I could see Undyne frowning quite heavily but also… confused? She was gnawing at a sharp nail of hers, her fangs giving her a manicure of their own! So _that_ was the secret to her talons of justice!

Still, I had to pay attention to the case at hand. “CATTY, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DO AT THIS SALON?”

“I get, like, the best coats around! Like, I even use that same shade right here!” Catty held up her paw to be scrutinized. Pink claws topped it off, all lavishly painted with the trademarked MTT logo. Could this really mean that-

“Paps, wait a minute.” Undyne gripped my arm, eye narrowed. “Isn’t it kinda weird though?”

“HM?” I swiveled my skull to her. “I AM NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN.”

“Mettaton had investigated the area before and found Burgerpants’ dust. But why didn’t the dogi come across the nail the first time around?”

I pondered on this dilemma. “PERHAPS THEY JUST MISSED IT?”

“Possible, but it’s only been less than an hour since they left to go back. And just like that, they find some new evidence that Sans wanted.” Undyne narrowed her eye, her voice low. “That’s _really_ convenient, isn’t it?”

That _did_ seem a bit suspicious. And Mettaton, fabulous entertainer that he was, didn’t seem like he would want to waste his resources... unless he knew he’d get something in return. As if he predicted how this case would go! Could he have been holding onto this informati-

Wait a minute! I took another look at her claws.

“OF COURSE. HER CLAWS!”

“so you got something to say about her claws?” Sans interrupted. Oh, I must have spoken out loud again.

I straightened my tie and grinned wide. It was my most intimidating pose, one that was sure to have the prosecution on its knees! (Metaphorically speaking).

“THERE IS A CONTRADICTION IN THE PROSECUTION’S STATEMENT. THE EVIDENCE PRESENTED TO US ARE THE NAILS FROM MTT SALON, AND THE VERY FACT THAT THEY WERE AT THE CRIME SCENE PROVES-” Here I pointed most assuredly at Mettaton. “THAT THE CULPRIT WHO WORE SUCH NAILS HAD TAKEN PART IN SUCH A CRIME.”

Everyone hushed at the sheer power of my speech! I was a really good lawyer!

“Yes, darling, that is exactly what I just said a moment ago.” Mettaton shook his finger at me, chuckling as he did so. “Although I am quite glad that you have ceded your defeat to me and my irrefutable evidence!”

 _Yes!_ I nodded with Mettaton’s statement, until I felt another jab from Undyne. _Wait, no!_

I pointed at him once more, the sheer force of it enough to blow away all lies and deception! Mettaton was still standing, but he was made of metal, so that was to be expected. “BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT CATTY HAS CLAWS AND NOT NAILS! AND IF THE PROSECUTION RELIES ON THAT EVIDENCE, THEN THAT MEANS THAT CATTY, BY THAT LOGIC, IS IRREFUTABLY INNOCENT!”

I heard the crowd gasp at such amazing logic. And what’s more, Mettaton was speechless?! He made no attempt to counter my argument.

“Nice going, Paps.” Undyne grinned, then faced the robot. “What? Nothing left to say, punk?”

It was quite strange, actually. Mettaton had his hands placed together, as if deep in thought. The lights of his chassis blinked intermittently. His face was completely unreadable – well, more unreadable than it was before.

“Very well done, my darlings. Very well done.” Mettaton clapped slowly. “To think that you have deduced such a fact in so little time speaks volumes of how you may not be so completely inept after all!”

“WOWIE! THANK YOU!”

His lights blinked again. “That wasn’t a compli- you know what, forget it.”

“Papryus!” Another jab in my side. Undyne could really just tap my shoulder if she wanted my attention. “Take another good look at that nail.”

I did so, seeing it displayed on the evidence table in the middle of the courtroom. The ceiling lights made the brilliant shade of pink sparkle. It _was_ quite a beautiful color! One could not expect less from the MTT Brand! But that’s beside the point. Undyne was being very adamant that I look at it closely.

“YES, UNDYNE. IT IS, INDEED, A NAIL. I THOUGHT WE CLEARED THAT UP EARLIER.”

“Not that. Look, Paps. Do you know of any monster who actually has nails?”

Well. Hm. It indeed was quite hard to recall any of my friends as having nails, instead of claws, appendages, tentacles, and other horrible forms of nature. And I have many friends!

“They’re human-type nails,” Undyne told me helpfully.

“OH? DO YOU MEAN THE CULPRIT WAS A HUMAN?”

“No, because the thing is, the nail is coated in magic, too. And no humans today use magic, least not like us.”

Wowie! This was a lot to ponder! I scrunched my skull in thought, but no answer was forthcoming! “SO IT MUST STILL BE A MONSTER THEN? BUT IF NO MONSTER HAS NAILS, THEN JUST WHO COULD IT EVEN BE?”

“Easy.” And then Undyne grinned so triumphantly, it revealed more fangs of hers than I thought possible. “What other monster has human-like hands?”

Instantly, I turned away from her to look over at this courtroom’s prosecutor. Specifically, at the hands he kept folded before his face/body.

Gasp!! Of course! “OBJECTION!”

Sans stared from his podium. “uh, no one was saying anything.”

“EXCUSE ME! I WAS OBJECTING TO THE FABULOUS PROSECUTOR FOR STANDING THERE MENACINGLY!”

“Now, darling, no need to be so discriminatory.” Mettaton gave a fabulous twirl on his wheel, sparkles flying from him in exquisite grace. “This is just how I stand.”

“EXCUSE ME! I WAS OBJECTING TO THE PROSECUTOR’S FABULOUS HANDS!”

“They truly are quite fabulous, I agree.” Mettaton deigned to show off his gloved hands to the crowd, who oohed and aahed at such a sight. I was impressed too!

But that wasn’t the point! “I WANT TO GO FURTHER IN MY DEDUCTIONS OVER THE NAIL THAT THE PROSECUTOR BROUGHT TO THIS COURTROOM.”

“Do you now?” Mettaton placed those hands against each other again, each fingertip in perfect symmetry to its twin.

“NO MONSTER WOULD HAVE SUCH NAILS, AS WE MUST ALL KNOW. NO MONSTER – EXCEPT ONE THAT WE ALL KNOW FAIRLY WELL.” I pointed once more at the celebrity robot. “YOU, METTATON, HAVE THE MEANS TO ACCESS SUCH NAILS AT ANY TIME, DO YOU NOT?”

Mettaton was acting surprisingly calm about all this. He didn’t even try to deny what my question implied. “Why, of course. As lead creative director and visionary for the MTT Brand, I keep track of all my subsidies and business ventures. Always finding new and innovative ways to keep MTT the #1 brand in the world!”

“AND WITH YOUR CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE VICTIM, TOO, YOU ALSO HAD MOTIVE, DID YOU NOT?”

“Nothing of the sort! My job for him was basically charity, after all!” Mettaton laughed uproariously. “Even if employing him did cost our company some money with his constant mistakes, I cared for Burgerpants as if he were one of my own!”

I prepared myself to ask him another question, but Undyne took over, slamming a fist onto the desk.

“Ngaah! This is taking too long! Mettaton! It was _you_ who killed Burgerpants, wasn’t it?”

The crowd talked and shouted frantically at the accusation. I wished Undyne had waited for me. I was getting to that part after the build-up I was creating!

“hey, you guys.” Sans said from his bench, his tone more serious then I usually heard from him. “that’s a uh, pretty serious accusation you got there. got any evidence to back that up?”

“We will very soon.” Undyne turned from Sans to Mettaton. “You know, Mettaton, if your hands are so fabulous, why don’t you ever show it off, huh?” She placed her boot on the desk again, nearly splintering it. “Come on, take off the gloves!”

“YEAH!” I joined in excitedly. “TAKE IT ALL OFF!”

Mettaton fanned himself with those hands. “Oh _my.”_ He turned around on his single wheel, facing my brother. “Do you hear this, Your Honor? They are so desperate that they have now resorted to pinning me, the prosecution, as the killer! Must this farce go on?”

Sans stared at all of us for a moment, which I would be generous in saying that he was deep in thought and had not fallen asleep once again. With his sharp grin aimed at Mettaton, he shrugged. “i mean, i guess they have evidence and motive or whatever.

“…I’m sorry, you _guess?”_ Mettaton’s voice crackled ever so slightly.

“yeah.” Sans leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head. “you gonna do something about it?”

“Actually…” Mettaton slowly turned back to us, his wheel doing a perfect half-circumference. He stood in the middle of the courtroom, the spotlights focused on him and him only. “I think I will.”

Then, with astounding grace and in an extremely loud voice that even matched my own, Mettaton posed, suddenly bringing out a microphone as the letters MTT glowed above him from dazzling lights. Wowie! This courtroom really pulls out all the stops!

“ _OHH YESS! Time to give the audience what they’ve been waiting for!”_ The center spotlight shut off. Smoke seeped out from the fog machines that were suddenly there, giving the whole courtroom a truly suspenseful feel to it. _“Are you ready, beauties and gentlebeauties? Because now…”_

The center spotlight turned on again, and the box-shaped Mettaton was replaced by a truly remarkable specimen! Incredible! I could barely contain myself! It would be impossible to truly describe the grandeur that was Mettaton’s beauty, but I must at least try!

Long legs were placed on the floor, topped with a metal human torso. Mettaton’s face was now a wonderful visage, with hair even! Smooth and supple metal skin! Beautiful bishoujo eyes that I have always wanted but could never have! Mettaton EX always brought in the crowds with his limitless talent and far-off sexiness! Incredible! _Amazing!!_

“Papyrus, why are you sweating so much?” Undyne asked me.

“METTATON IS SO COOL, UNDYNE.”

“Please.”

With a lustrous sigh, Mettaton stood within the center of the courtroom, gesturing to the crowd with pure benevolence. “Well, I am now here, ready to take on these filthy, debased, absolutely horrible accusations you have flung upon me!”

He placed the back of his gloved hand against his forehead. The crowd simply went wild – and so was our client, who was trying to paw at him from a distance of twenty feet away. “But rest assured, my fellow attorneys, I’ll be sure to make the last dying breaths of your pathetic careers…”

Hands out, face upturned to the spotlight, glitter all over his curvaceous body, he truly became a fabulous star just then! _“Absolutely beautiful!”_

“Papyrus, don’t you dare clap.”

I felt hurt at Undyne’s tone. “BUT SUCH SHOWMANSHIP MUST BE APPRECIATED, UNDYNE.”

“That’s not important right now!”

A snore erupted from the judge’s podium. Sans looked around blearily, eye sockets focused on the new and improved Mettaton. “oh,  what’d i miss?”

“No more stalling!” Undyne held out a spear, its turquoise glow radiating from it, shining on Mettaton’s face. “I already asked you before. Take off the gloves! Show us that you’re really innocent!”

Ah, that’s right! The star I had looked up to might just be a cold-blooded killer! Or a no-blooded killer, to be more accurate. “PLEASE TELL US THE TRUTH, METTATON. DID YOU COMMIT THIS CRIME?”

Mettaton turned his head, revealing his Greek god-like features to the masses. The crowd cheered ecstatically! Cameras were flashing everywhere! And me without my makeup!

“Again, such ridiculous slander! These lies will do horrors to my complexion! And yours!” His arms extended, one finger from each hand poking at both mine and Undyne’s faces. I was going crazy! Mettaton _touched me!!_ Undyne didn’t look too happy about it, and tried to bite off Mettaton’s fingers. Please, Undyne! Not in front of my possibly murderous hero!

“Even if I wore the nails, why should that matter? I loved Burgerpants with all my soul, giving him a job when no one else would at our fabulous MTT Emporium, with low, low prices for the best fast food around! Right now with a sale of buy one Glamburger, get another one free! Don’t dawdle and get your share, my beauties!”

“hey, uh, is advertising allowed in here?” Sans asked his baliff.

Aaron peered through a book titled ‘COURTROOM TIPZ MADE EASY.’ “Checks out, judge. ;)”

“ok.” Sans leaned back, glad to have that settled apparently.

“And still, why would I ever hurt my darling Burgerpants? Such a model…” Mettaton paused, tapping a finger against those exquisite cheeks. “Well, he was an employee. And he was _my_ employee. I could never dust away such a fabulous monster.”

“Why would you hurt him? Probably for the same reason he’s called Burgerpants to begin with!” Undyne was on a roll! She practically glowed with justice! “You killed what’s-his-face because of company merchandise he kept stealing from you! Your MTT burgers!”

At that, Mettaton did not have a ready answer. He placed a finger against his metal-fashioned lips, humming his robotic tune. “Well, I cannot deny that. Burgerpants was always quite a grabby cat.” He shrugged, bringing a wave of even more entrancing sparkles. “Still, that does not dissuade my fondness for him, may his soul rest in peace.”

“You know what? Fine then.” Undyne shrugged in turn. What could this mean? “Maybe you truly cared about Burgerpants… but did Burgerpants care about you?”

Mettaton’s face twitched. It was really hard to miss. “And how would you know a thing like that?”

“Well, according to my client here, everybody knows!” Undyne laughed, slapping her knee as she did so. “Anybody who went to MTT Emporium knows how much Burgerpants hated your metal guts!”

“OH YEAH!” I joined her. “APPARENTLY, AFTER YOU BUY A GLAMBURGER, HE’S QUITE SUSCEPTIBLE TO QUESTIONS.”

“Yeah, he was a real pushover. And nobody pushed him over more than Mettaton!”

The fabulous Mettaton crossed his arms, face upturned. “Surely this goes against court conduct, to insult such a distinguished prosecutor! Strike their comments from the court record this instant!”

“No!” Undyne asserted herself even more. “This is important. It was common knowledge that Burgerpants detested Mettaton, wanting to be a star on his own, but his boss kept getting in the way.” She turned to the court gallery, at all the monsters seated there. “Right? Have any of you heard him groan about something every day?!”

“Yeah, he kept telling me his burger story…” one flame girl said softly, seated near the front rows.

“He told me he didn’t get why people liked Mettaton so much…” spoken by a cute little mouse monster, leaning over the upper balconies.

“Like, bro was totally majorly bummed out by Mettaton…” spoke a bunny monster, heavily decked out in a pinstripe suit and hat as he stood by the courtroom doors in a suspicious manner.

“ye, and he totally skimped out on the salt for my fries.”

“Your Honor?!” Mettaton turned to Sans, shock on his beautiful face. “…He served you your food wrong?”

Sans shrugged, looking half-asleep as he always did. “uh huh. no big deal though. they still tasted-”

“The nerve of that Burgerpants!” Mettaton clenched his hands, electricity sparking all over his body. “I’m glad then! _I’m ecstatic!_ I should have gotten rid of him earlier!”

Silence choked the entire courtroom, shock written plainly on every face.

Wowie. I didn’t think we’d get him so quickly. Also he’s guilty! This made me quite depressed.

“So you admit it then?” Undyne placed both hands on the table, slapping them down. “You killed Burgerpants! And you tried to pin the crime on Catty!”

Mettaton faced her, his eyes shining dangerously. “Maybe I did! Or maybe I didn’t! Who cares? When people slander you, must that go unpunished? Must the world be so unfair and cruel!? Sometimes things must be done! So what if a few people have to die!?” He spread out his arms, the electricity sparking even more than before. _“That’s show business, baby!”_

The light was blinding. Even for me! And I don’t even have eyes! Everyone had to turn away, waiting for the light to finally dim. When we all turned back to center floor, Mettaton was still there – but even more fabulous than before.

I’m sorry, notepad, I had to take a minute to regain my bearings. But! Mettaton! Let me try to describe the vivid image before me!

Wings of pure light and energy stuck out of his back. His right arm ended in a cannon, his body glowed with magical energy. He was tall, godly, and sensational! His left eye shimmered with a hidden power that threatened to overwhelm everyone’s existence! Here was the famed Mettaton NEO! I had only heard it spoken of in legend!

Pointed boots stomped the floor, cracking it under the pressure. “Yes! It was me! I killed the doomed Burgerpants! I orchestrated this whole courtroom debacle to further promote my brand! I am the star of this show! _And the villain!”_

“SO IT’S TRUE!” I could not believe it. That my own hero was capable of such a bad guy act! “YOU KILLED BURGERPANTS AND TRIED TO PIN YOUR CRIME ON AN INNOCENT.”

Mettaton laughed – a truly villainous laugh that spoke of all evil. “That’s right, darling. And you’ve seen through my nefarious plan! I couldn’t suffer through Burgerpants’ bad-mouthing anymore! So with my new manicure, I set out to exterminate him myself!”

The crowd went wild again! They were cheering and chanting Mettaton’s name, which I don’t really think is what you’re supposed to do for a murderer. But, perhaps this is just a new trend these days.

“My fabulous nails speak for themselves!” He held out the hand that wasn’t a gun, continually laughing. “You may convict me now, but you’ll never destroy the legend, the wonder, that is me! Trademarked by the MTT Brand-”

“WAIT A MOMENT.” I held up my hand. Something… something didn’t seem quite right about this. “ABOUT YOUR HAND. MAY YOU SHOW IT US?”

“You’re looking at it, darling!”

“NO. WITHOUT THE GLOVE.” I nodded. “THEN WE CAN FINALLY GET THIS SETTLED.”

“Oh.” Mettaton looked at his left hand, then back at me. Then back at his hand. “Um, right. Of course!”

We all waited, but he didn’t move a muscle. Undyne tapped her foot impatiently.

“No need to rush beauty, dear!” Still Mettaton looked at his hand, seeming to be annoyed. I thought I heard him say something close to cursing, but surely my skeletal ears deceive me!

“Hurry up!”

“Well, I can’t!” Mettaton NEO yelled back, losing his composure for once. “My gloves are part of my body! I can’t take it off!”

Undyne blinked her lone eye, then narrowed. “What.”

“If you haven’t noticed, darling, I’m a robot. And robots don’t exactly have nails either! And none of my forms give me nails, though I would certainly love some!” He sighed theatrically. “I could then experience the wonders of my salons for myself.”

“Wait, if this isn’t your nail….” Undyne gestured at him. “Then whose is it?”

“No, it’s still mine, darling. Just a sample from my special nail line, specially fitted for the human side of the market.” Mettaton flipped his hair as he spoke, or tried to since it was also metal. “But I had to rev up the promotion for this product, and what better way to than to showcase it for a murder trial? The first monster murder trial of its kind?!”

“…Plenty of other ways really,” Undyne deadpanned.

“Well, _I’m_ not hearing any ideas.”

“Okay, well there’s magazine advertising-”

A spark fizzed at Mettaton NEO’s shoulder, making him sputter. “T-that is one of the most unexciting-”

“A television infomercial – just put in an hour slot and you’re ready to sell anything by then.”

Another spark. His wings faltered, and dimmed.

“Heck, you could even take out a flyer and just mail it to people! People would see it plenty-”

“That’s. Incredibly.” Mettaton NEO raised his head to the spotlight. _“CHEAP!”_

The light glowed bright again. I tried not to turn away this time, but it was too much! I even started to cry at the tragedy of it all! So much beauty now snuffed out like a flame!

In NEO’s place, box-shaped Mettaton stood, a little worse for wear, but still upright. He had a microphone in his hand again, and faced Undyne down. “Well, that was quite a show. I’d give an encore, but I’ve pushed myself to the limit this time!”

“Wait, hold on! What about the crime scene?” Undyne yelled. “And your confession! And the evidence!”

Mettaton waved away her questions with little care. “Oh, I just planted that nail there! I had hoped your investigation would have picked it up, but of course being such amateur lawyers that you are, I had to order a re-scan of the crime scene myself.” He sighed. “To pick up where my co-stars slacked off in, this is not how it should be done!”

“You planted fake evidence?!” Undyne looked livid.

“Yes, and I do dearly apologize.” Mettaton nodded, sighing so loud and dramatic that his voicebox whirred with the emotion. “But this court trial needed a little spice. No real harm done.”

“Isn’t that illegal!?”

Looking from Undyne to Sans, I asked, “IS IT?”

“uh, yeah, kinda.” Sans then addressed Mettaton. “you uh, probably don’t wanna do that again.”

“Truly, I understand that. Truly I do! But what kind of dramatic trial would this be without such a shocker twist? Already the ratings are going off the charts!” Mettaton pointed to his right, where a giant television screen was propped on the wall. When did that get there??? But indeed, the ratings were skyrocketing right off the charts, the bright red lines leaving the television to crash through the roof of the courtroom.

Sans blinked lazily at the property damage happening before him. “huh, can’t argue with that. that plot point really _brought the house down_.” Tiles kept falling all around him, missing his skull by mere inches. My brother was quite lucky he didn’t get hurt!

“Not only does this bring more attention to the glamorous MTT brand, but to your own court system, Your Honor!” Mettaton held up a book to my brother’s face, just… shoving it up to his eyesockets. “As you can see, the monster judicial system, along with this courthouse, is already proving to be a hit among today’s youth. Why, with a little more sprucing up the -ahem- decorum around here, and a few well-placed snack bars around the lobbies, this trial can raise up your profits like never before!”

Sans, still with the book in his face, gave a thumbs-up. “cool.”

“Fabulous! With your confirmation, I will now set up the promotional material to the courthouse. First, we definitely should change the dreadful logo to something with much more sparkle to it-”

“Hey!” Undyne flipped over the already half-cracked table, upsetting both paper and bones all over the place. (I had set them up on that table so neatly too!) “Aren’t you forgetting something, lead-brain? We still have a trial going on!”

Mettaton wagged a finger at Undyne. “Tsk, of course I didn’t forget, darling. In fact, this changes nothing as Catty is still as guilty as day! After much work, I ask our judge to deliver a verdict as soon as possible! Surely we all want to go home and go back to our fabulous lives!”

Sans had his face laying on one hand. Each moment, his skull threatened to slip off his bony palm and hit the table. “well, if there’s nothing else, might as well get this over with.”

“Wait a second!” Undyne pounded her boot against the ground, sending rolling tremors through the courtroom. “We can’t- we can’t let it end here!”

“so you got some objections?”

“Yeah!”

“okay, let’s hear it.”

Now, I believed that my best friend could help prolong this situation more than anyone! But I could also see that my brother was asking for something here… something that I don’t think Undyne would be able to see.  He wanted a specific answer! After looking at our client and my fuming partner, I decided I had to step in! I really hope Undyne won’t be too mad about it!

“YOUR MAJESTY!” I boomed out the best lawyerly voice one ever heard! I even made Undyne start at the sound! I must really sound impressive! “ALL PRESENTED EVIDENCE BEFORE US IS CIRCUMSTANTIAL, AND THE PROSECUTION’S STUNTS FOR FAME AND GLORY HAS DE-RAILED THIS TRIAL MORE THAN NECESSARY. THE DEFENSE REQUESTS AN ADDITIONAL DAY FOR FURTHER QUESTIONING AND INVESTIGATION.”

Sans stared at me for a moment, then shrugged. “hey, sounds reasonable. what do ya think, metts?”

Mettaton didn’t get angry at the announcement, surprisingly. He only tsked tsked some more, wheeling away from the room. “Anyone and everyone can see how the defense is trying to stall for more time. But! This will give me the space I need to give this courtroom the makeover it deserves! So yes, the prosecution has no objections to this request.”

“alright, cool.” Sans faced the whole of the courtroom again, which was paying attention more to the leaving Mettaton than anything else. “we’ll come back tomorrow to ride this baby out. same time, same place, heh.” He banged his gavel, or…(I have to legitimately sigh here, excuse me) _farted_ his gavel, so to speak. “court on hold and whatever.”

I let out a deep breath I did not know I was holding. Or that I could even do so in the first place! I felt Undyne clap against my back, dangerously close to breaking my spine but that was okay! “Quick thinking there, Paps!”

“OF COURSE. THE GREAT LAWYER PAPYRUS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO PROLONG THE CASE MORE THAN IT NEEDS TO BE. NYEH-HEH-HEH!” But, it was hard to stay focused on the moment. I watched as Mettaton went through his crowd of adoring fans in the gallery, blowing robotic kisses and signing autographs even! I realized suddenly! This was my one chance!

“Papyrus, are you really going to ask him for his autograph after the hell he put us through?”

“BUT UNDYNE. THIS IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY. I MAY NEVER GET THIS CHANCE AGAIN.”

“We literally just saw him last week. We know where he works. We could actually get it anytime-”

“NYEEEEEHHHH!”

“Okay, fine! Geez! Just go!”

* * *

The courtroom emptied as if it was one long breath. Monsters shoved their way to the front doors, dropping their valuables in a frantic attempt to grasp Mettaton’s shiny and sparkling hands. Sans looked at it all through drowsy eyes, snoring softly, despite the fact that he wasn’t actually asleep.

Heh, that bro of his could read him like a book sometimes. Good thing, too.

And hey, speaking of books…

His baliff was already gone as well, leaving Sans truly alone with the caved in roof and the glitter that speckled the walls. But he paid no attention to that, instead his gaze drawn to a certain item on the cracked marble floors.

It was a notepad. His bro’s notepad, actually.

Suddenly the notepad was placed before his judge’s podium. Its cover was decorated with many buff pictures of Papyrus in his detective hat – and his lawyer suit. Some good drawings there, Sans could learn or thing or two from him.

His bro would really miss this thing. Or would he? He had plenty of other notepads with him, all of them shoved up in his coat sleeves, along with aces and extra bones. Just one shouldn’t make such a big difference.

“oh well,” Sans said, leaning against his chair as he held up the notepad, feet propped on the desk before him. “finders keepers.”


	6. Investigation Sensation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus and Undyne are back out on the streets for their investigation! But as they get closer to truth, Undyne will have to confront what she knows sooner or later... and the suffering people she cares for the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNmbDg5UV_c&index=1&list=PLULvqreQJEtBWLEYCRi6MJo20XRiZPdlq) with the return of soothing [rain](http://www.rainymood.com/).

Nightfall had settled into the rainy city, snuggling close to concrete buildings and the warm yellow glow of the city lamps. The rain poured tonight, letting small rivers trickle along the street gutters. The black asphalt shimmered with reds, yellows, and greens, reflecting the street lights. The grounds themselves appeared to be a beautifully painted canvas, colors blending and reflecting every which way.

I never truly noticed the beauty of the rain until Undyne became my best friend.

Taking my ever trusty Bonemobile, we drove down the wet streets, leaving the courthouse and the bright lights that Mettaton was already constructing for it. I had changed out of my slick lawyer outfit and back into my grizzled detective coat and hat. Since we were now in investigation mode, it was only prudent that I wear the correct outfit! That, and my trenchcoat was quite useful against the rain. Can’t risk my lawyer suit getting wrinkles!

It was a short drive, which was a good thing, as it left Undyne little time to try to wrestle the wheel from my hands again. Before long, we were already jogging towards the dark alleyway where they found Burgerpants.

Ah, the crime scene! To think, we’ve gone so long into this mystery and haven’t even examined where it all happened! We must be pretty great lawyers and/or detectives!

Undyne looked over my shoulder at my notepad. “Or maybe Mettaton is just really bad at his job, too.”

“PLEASE DON’T DO THAT!”

My partner laughed and slapped me on the back, rattling my bones in the process. “Aw, I’m just kidding, Pap, we _are_ doing pretty good!”

Distractions aside, it was time for some good ol’ fashioned investigating! I was back in my cool and mysterious detective coat, arm around my bone umbrella and notepad at the ready!

Although, to be honest, the crime scene wasn’t all that interesting. It was an alleyway like any other; dark, wet, and damp. A couple grimy dumpsters were placed against some old brick walls of an abandoned building. A bit of light came in from the street lamps on the sidewalk, but for the most part, it was dim, and a bit menacing.

Bright pink tape warded off the crime scene, reading ‘Crime scene! (Don’t you cross it!)’ The dogi must have put it up, probably trying to mimic the human’s yellow police tape.

Hmm, I had a strange feeling of déjà vu. This alleyway felt familiar. Or maybe just this part of the city? But there was nothing particularly notable here. There were no shops, no stores that I could remember seeing before. Maybe this was just a really generic alleyway!? Someone should spice these places up!

Without a second thought, Undyne ducked under the ‘(Don’t you cross it!)’ tape and into the alleyway. I felt some apprehension in following, but the dogi aren’t technically the law! So, I don’t think I was actually breaking any rules by going in? But what if they are? I-

“Come on, Paps,” Undyne called.

“RIGHT!” I replied, hopping over the bright pink tape.

The atmosphere changed immediately. Or maybe that was just my mind. Suddenly, it was so real.

A monster died here, killed by one of his own kind. I felt an air of sadness and violence wash over me as thoughts raced through my mind. How could anyone do such a thing?

Undyne must have been reading my reaction. She frowned. “Paps, snap out of it. I know how you feel, but we’re in this now. We have to focus for Catty’s sake. And for Burgerpants.”

Her words were a bit harsh, but I knew she was just looking out for me. She was right, too. If we didn’t find the truth of what happened here, no one else would! I shook off those scary feelings and kept my eye sockets sharp on the lookout for clues!

Let’s see…

I was instantly drawn to the damp burger wrappers near the dumpster. The paper was a mix of bright pink, black, purple, all topped off with tons of glitter and Mettaton EX’s smiling face. Although, after a day of rain, the paper itself was soggy and ruined. Any sign of dust now must have been completely washed away, or taken for investigation.

“He must have fallen around that dumpster,” Undyne pointed out, eye gleaming like thunder under the rain. “It’s pretty dark here. He probably didn’t see the killer, or mistook them for Catty.”

I nodded in agreement.

Our next target was the dumpster itself. A huge gash had ripped into the side of the metal, with three symmetrical marks running across from it. “Certainly looks like claw marks, doesn’t it?” Undyne thought out loud, hand on her chin. “But it’s so huge. Whatever did this, it cut the metal like a hot knife on butter.”

It was certainly strange. Could Catty’s claws have grown so big? Maybe with a magic attack… but it couldn’t have been her! I hoped it wasn’t her. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS WHAT COULD HAVE DONE THAT?”

Undyne stared hard at the dumpster’s wound. “Just one, but…” she shook her head. “No, that wouldn’t make any sense.”

Memories of our last case came flooding back to me. “YOU’RE NOT HIDING ANYTHING AGAIN, ARE YOU UNDYNE?” I asked in a scolding tone.

She growled at that, but let out a sigh instead. “No, I’m not this time, I promise. I’m not sure what else could have reasonably caused this.”

There was something on her mind, but I knew I wasn’t going to get anything out of her on that subject.

I scanned around the alleyway again, finding it difficult already to spot out any clues. There wasn’t much to note back here at all! There wasn’t a sign of a struggle or anything! There were a few cracks in the pathway, especially near the dumpster, but that was more than likely just from the constant rain and lack of care for the alley here.

“Hey, Paps, check this out,” Undyne said, calling me over behind the unharmed dumpster. Reaching underneath the slimy thing, she pulled out a shiny shard of glass.

“A CLUE?” I asked, tilting my skull.

Undyne scratched the side of her head. “Well, uh, guess it could just be trash, but man, it’s really shiny isn’t it?!” She grinned.

Shiny indeed! For a piece of glass laying underneath a dumpster, it certainly looked clean! Maybe it fell there recently? Or…. Maybe it was just really shiny!

“It feels kinda weird, too,” Undyne added, rubbing it between her scaly fingers. “Like… electrical?”

“ELECTRIC GLASS?” I asked, reaching out to it. At the touch of my bony finger, I felt the lightest of zaps. Like a small energy went through my body. “COULD IT BE MAGIC?”

Undyne’s eye lit up. “Oh, you know what!? That must be it! Magic infused glass!” The realization hit her. “But uhh… what does that have to do with anything?”

I grinned a confident grin. “NO IDEA!” I said as honestly as possible. “BUT IT’S SOMETHING TO KEEP IN MIND, RIGHT?”

Undyne nodded, placing the glass in her pocket. “I can’t find any other pieces of it either. Looks like someone tried to clean it up.” She shrugged. “Or maybe it really was just an accident.”

I suppose it could have just been a loose piece of trash. It wasn’t exactly clean back here, after all! There were soda cans, bottles, and all sorts of various trash. Even a few flyers for my detective agency!

But one piece of trash caught my attention. It was near the cracks in the cement, glittering like a speck of gold, sheltered from the rain by an old newspaper. Probably nothing? Or probably _something?!_ I grabbed for the paper-like thing and held it between my bony fingers.

Hmm… soft. Felt as smooth as silk. It was beautiful, too. I could see my brother resting on a pillow filled with these things! It reminded me of something though, but what?

Aha! “A PETAL!” I yelled out, feeling accomplished.

Undyne let out a startled growl, looking as if she had seen a ghost. (A ghost that held a restraining order against her to be specific). “A petal?” she repeated, her question almost begging to be wrong.

“YES!” I answered, much to her visible dismay. “IN ALMOST PERFECT CONDITION TOO! IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN HERE LONG!”

She didn’t like staring at the little golden thing, I assumed. “No. What could it mean?” Undyne muttered under her breath.

I had an idea, now, but Undyne wasn’t going to like it. I think it was best to just blurt it out! Also, I kind of just blurted it out anyway. I do that a lot. “DO YOU THINK ASGORE HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS?”

Undyne snapped out of her thoughts and stared me down. “No way! There’s no way Asgore would kill another monster!” But, her gaze faltered for just a moment.

Asgore Dreemur. I met the fellow more than a few days ago in a previous mystery. From my understanding, he is a clone of a Ms. Toriel Dreemur? I may have gotten my information mixed up there, but one thing I’m certain of is that he owns a flower shop! I remember he grew quite a few golden flowers in his greenhouse.

“Hey, it’s not like that petal couldn’t have flown in from some wind or just been thrown out by someone else,” Undyne countered, practically reading my mind again. Or maybe she was just arguing with herself?

But it was a fair point! A lone petal isn’t enough to prove anyone guilty! Plus, when I met this goat clone fellow, he was so kind! Possibly one of the nicest monsters I’ve ever met! Well, next to the female version of himself, of course. According to Undyne, (who has a bit of a history with him) Asgore wouldn’t hurt a fly. At the same time, however, Undyne also has clearly been struggling over something with Asgore.

I do notice these things. I just think maybe… maybe I shouldn’t say anything. Maybe I couldn’t say the right thing. Not yet at least. I worry about her.

_Brrrrrrrriing!! Brrrrrrrrrng!!_

The silent somber of the shade was suddenly sliced by a striking sound.

Undyne and I exchanged a momentary look of confusion before exiting the alleyway to investigate. The streets nearby were empty. Not a soul could be seen for miles. The buildings were either closed or abandoned.

_Brrrrrrrriing!! Brrrrrrring!!_

“Someone’s calling that phonebooth over there!” Undyne pointed out.

Sure enough, she was right! Wowie!

A phonebooth stood diligently under the relentless rain, the yellow glow of the street lamps highlighting it like a spotlight on a stage. The phone inside vibrated and giggled to itself, ringing cheerfully, clearly excited after such a long time without use.

“WHO COULD BE CALLING?” I asked, a bit apprehensive. “MAYBE IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENTAL DIAL?”

The ringing stopped.

A moment of silence.

 _Brrrrrrrring!! Brrrrrrrrrrriiing!!_ The ring sounded annoyed now, as if it did not like being ignored.

“I doubt someone would call twice on accident,” Undyne grumbled, walking into the booth.

Well! I certainly wasn’t about to be left out of a mysterious phone call! I followed quickly after her, stuffing myself into the glass contraption. It clearly was not designed for two people, especially two fairly tall, muscular, and handsome monsters such as ourselves, but I refused to be left out!

“Paps, you’re elbowing my gills!”

“SORRY, IT’S A TIGHT FIT.”

“Did you have to close the booth door too!?”

“UNDYNE, THIS IS HOW IT IS MEANT TO BE USED!! I WON’T BE CAUGHT LOOKING SILLY IN A PHONEBOOTH!” I said, skull pressed against the glass.

“Could you at least answer the damn phone!?”

“I THINK MY ARMS ARE STUCK!”

With a determined grunt, Undyne forced herself through our tangled limbs and managed to finally answer the impatient phone. “Who is this?” she asked through gritted fangs.

“ ** _Finally_** _, darling, you answer! I thought I’d have to wait another millennium for the cavemen to understand technology!_ ”

I’d recognize that voice anywhere! Sassy! Surly! Serious! Sensuous?

“Mettaton,” Undyne growled. “How’d you know we’d be here?”

The voice in the phone let out a luxurious laughter. “ _My my! Unlike you folks, I only act the fool! Where else would a couple of deadbeat detectives go when they haven’t even examined the crime scene yet? Of course you’d be here!_ ”

“IT WAS A LITTLE OBVIOUS,” I yelled into a corner, unable to turn my skull to face the phone.

I couldn’t see it, but I felt Undyne rolling her eye. “All right, all right,” she sighed. “What do you want, tin can?”

“ _Nice comeback_ ,” the phone sassed. “ _While I am loathed to ask for help from plebeians so far beneath me_ \--”

“Didn’t stop you before,” Undyne interrupted, her voice filled with a spicy sarcasm.

“OOH, NICE ONE, UNDYNE!” I tried to high-five her, but I wasn’t quite sure where my hands were at the moment.

The static voice on the line stalled, clearly losing his cool. “ _You **realize** you just admitted yourselves to be plebeians_?” The computer composed himself with certainty. “ _Ah, but we should save our insults for the courtroom_.”

“Get on with it!” she commanded.

“ _Alphys_ ,” the phone said dramatically, causing a stir in my heart and most likely Undyne’s too! “ _She hasn’t been picking up the phone. I’m worried about her. She hasn’t been doing well since she took the stand. Not that she was all daisies and buttercups before the trial._ ”

Undyne was flustered. I could feel her muscles much too clearly tense up in anger. “The ‘Marvelous Mettaton’ can’t cheer her up?”

“ _For reasons unbeknownst to me, Alphys respects and cares deeply about you,_ ” Mettaton continued, his voice serious for once. “ _I think she’d feel much better seeing you_.”

Undyne tightened her grip around the phone, threating to crush it. She didn’t reply.

“ _Well!_ ” The voice huffed. “ _I tried my best to communicate with the brute! I can’t be blamed for not showing sympathy for my dear Alphys now!_ ” I could hear him shrugging somehow!? “ _She’s a smart girl. Alphys will learn one day she doesn’t need **you** to be happy. Ciao, darlings!_ ”

“Hey, wait, you –” Undyne soon found herself talking to a dial tone. With a grumpy grunt, she slammed the phone back on its receiver. “Ngaaah.”

Hearing a sadness in her voice, I attempted to comfort my partner by patting her on the shoulder. Unfortunately, I think my arm had fallen off somewhere and I ended up tenderly stroking her boot. Close enough?

“WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?” I asked.

It took her a while to respond. “We can’t just drop the case right now, we don’t have time for distractions.”

I knew she wanted to see Alphys. Undyne worried over her, but she also worried about the case. She was worried about too much. It was time for a strong handsome guy like me to take charge!

“WE’VE INVESTIGATED PLENTY! I’M CONFIDENT WHAT WE FOUND WILL BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR TOMORROW!” I said. “LET’S VISIT ALPHYS AND CHEER HER UP!”

“You sure?” Undyne asked.

“SURE AS SURE CAN BE! AND THAT’S REALLY REALLY SURE!”

I felt a warm smile creep across her face. It was a little unsettling, honestly, because I wasn’t even sure how or what piece of me got there.

“Thanks, Pap. Let’s get moving, then.”

* * *

_Dear Friends and Family,_

_I’m leaving. I made a fool of myself in front of the whole city. I screamed and yelled about a stupid TV show during a murder case for god’s sake. I mean, I’ve done worse. Much worse. But this was the breaking point._

_I’ve worked myself half to death, and for what? I’ve done nothing but hurt others and lie. I’m ashamed. So ashamed. I never stood up for myself where it counted. Only for anime or manga or something stupid like that. Maybe I could have changed things._

_I know what it means to run away now. I know the people I’ll hurt, I know the things I’ll leave behind to die. But I can’t keep doing it anymore. This is the only way I can get it to stop. I’m too pathetic to do it any other way. At least when I leave, it’ll be forced to end. It won’t be my problem anymore, I won’t exist here._

_Sorry, Undyne._

_Sorry, Mettaton._

_Sorry, Asgore._

_I don’t expect anyone to forgive me._

_Goodbye._

_-Alphys_

* * *

“Dude, should we, like, tell him?”

“…”

“Yeah, you’re right, defo should tell him as soon as possible, brah.”

Two men in pinstripe suits stood before the apartment door, reading the somber note with shadowed eyes. I-

“Papyrus!” Undyne scolded. “There’s no time to write in your little notepad, right now! We have to go, _now_!”

Aw. She was right, I suppose. I was running out of space on my notepad anyway, and there’s a time and place for-

“ _Papyrus_ , come on already!!”

“SORRY!”

* * *

“Turn here! Here! Hurry!” Undyne demanded, pointing her claw directly in front of my face as if that helped me turn better. 

“BUT THERE’S A STOP SIGN!” I protested.

“It’s late, no one’s out, just go!”

Against my better judgement, I turned left at the stop sign, only slowing down instead of coming to a stop like the law demands. I felt dirty, but this was important to Undyne!

“HOW ARE YOU SO SURE SHE’S HERE?” I asked, tires screeching under the slick asphalt as we slid to a stop.

Undyne was already halfway out the car door. “It’s the closest train station to her house, the quickest way out of the city.” Her voice grew distant as she ran through the doors ahead of me.

I was never one for running, especially through slippery rainy streets. Not that I can’t run with the best of them! But my legs tend to get caught around my coat or cracks or vines or the like. Surprisingly a lot of vines in the city!

After checking my car was legally parked, locked and secured, and the mirrors were still in the correct position, and my umbrella was at the ready, and my hat was still firmly planted on my skull, I made my way into the station.

Compared to the gloomy dark outside, the station was a wonderful golden yellow inside! Although, at this time of night, there wasn’t a soul to be seen. I expected to find Undyne stomping around, shouting, and literally turning this place upside down, but strangely enough, my fishy partner stood silently, staring out at the station.

What could stop Undyne at a time like this?

Through the glass doors, out by the tracks, I saw Alphys, sitting quietly alone under the station’s awning, the pitter patter of the rain falling around her. In her hands, she held a Game of Bones manga, but it appeared she was having trouble focusing on it, staring blankly at the pages before her. A roller suitcase stood lonesome by her side, hastily packed. She rested an arm against it, as if it were her only friend in the world.

“UNDYNE?” I called out. “IT’S ALPHYS! WHY AREN’T YOU SHOUTING AT HER?”

She didn’t turn to me. “Maybe I shouldn’t.”

Undyne doubting herself again?! What in the world was I missing about my partner?!

“WHY NOT? WE BROKE QUITE A FEW LAWS RUSHING HERE!” I noted, unhappily. “WE SHOULD PROBABLY NOT LET THAT GO TO WASTE!”

Her body stood still, as if held in place by some invisible force. “What if Mettaton was right, Pap? What if I am no good for her?”

“IMPOSSIBLE! YOU’RE NEARLY AS GREAT AS I AM! ALPHYS LOVES YOUR SHOUTING AND SMASHING!”

Undyne shook her head. “Not just that. It’s my fault things are like this. The things that happened to her, it’s my fault.”

Oh! Does she always have to be so morose and mysterious now!? I get enough of that from my brother as it is! After all the law breaking, I was feeling quite grumpy, so I’m sorry you’ll have to hear this notepad, but…

“ENOUGH OF THAT!” I shouted. “YOU’RE ALWAYS SAD NOW AND YOU DON’T TELL ME WHY!”

That worked, apparently! Undyne turned to face me, a look of confusion on her face.

“WHATEVER IT IS THAT’S BOTHERING YOU, I DON’T THINK ITS YOUR FAULT!” I continued, bones rattling with adrenaline. “YOU’RE THE TOUGHEST PERSON I KNOW! IF ANYONE CAN FIX YOUR PROBLEMS, IT’S ME! BUT OTHER THAN ME, IT’S ALSO YOU!”

“It’s not that simple,” Undyne started.

“I WON’T HEAR THAT!” I interrupted. “I BET IT _IS_ THAT SIMPLE!”

Undyne was determined to stay morose. “Alphys won’t want to see me, she’s made up her mind.” I could tell she was at her breaking point, however, as her claws clenched into fists unconsciously.

“YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT TRUE,” I countered, pointing at her like I would in a court room. “I BARELY KNOW ALPHYS, BUT I KNOW SHE’D LOVE A DRAMATIC CLICHÉ LIKE THIS! A LOVER STOPPING HER BEFORE A TRAIN LEAVES THE STATION IS PROBABLY ONE OF HER FANTASIES!”

It was one of my dream scenarios, too! I wonder if I could recreate this scene with Undyne later?

“You’re right, Pap,” Undyne conceded with a nod.

“OF COURSE I’M RIGHT!”

She growled at that, probably having more to say. “I knew you were right, I knew what I was doing was right, but for some reason, something keeps stopping me from doing it.”

“IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE ONLY AN AMATEUR DETECTIVE! MANY DETECTIVES OFTEN TRY TO GET _TOO_ GRIZZLED! IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! COMMON MISTAKE REALLY.”

A chuckle. A smile. The Great Papyrus’ cheering works again!

“You got me,” Undyne laughed, fangs forming a tight grin. Her doubt was washed away. That dark shadow that loomed on her shoulders eased off, if for just a moment.

A hissing screeched through the black night air as the train pulled sluggishly into the station. Black smoke left its chimney, rolling delightfully up to be with its stormy cloud cousins. The golden glow of the windows looked so inviting under the rain, calling and lulling all passengers to accept its warm embrace. I found myself craving a train trip, too, even.  

“All aboard! ;)” a sweaty voice yelled. Seems Aaron had a night job on the side.

Alphys’ head perked up, hastily packing away her manga. Glasses stared out at the train, lenses shimmering with memories, both good and bad. With a shaking delicate hand, she gripped the handle of her suitcase, looking left and right, more than likely hoping someone would stop her. No one did. She sighed, and walked forward.

“ _Ngaaaaah!!_ Don’t you dare take another step toward that train, punk!” Undyne roared, crashing through the station’s doors, glass shards raining down along with the droplets now.

Alphys turned a bright shade of white, scared out of her mind. “U-Undyne?!”

Spear in hand, glass crunching beneath her boots, Undyne cackled. “That’s right! I’m not letting you leave so easily!”

So many emotions ran across her face. Most of all: confusion. I think Alphys had pictured this being a bit more romantic in her head, as did I. “I-I um?”

A spear landed dangerously close to Alphys, blocking her way towards the train’s entrance. The cement creaked and cracked under pressure. “Running away is for cowards!”

Is this what romance is like?! “UNDYNE, I’M NOT SURE-”

“I know you’re not a coward, Alphys!” Undyne growled, her wet hair blowing heroically in the rainy wind. “I know you’re stronger than this, I know you’re smarter than this!”

At that, Alphys actually grew angry, too. Her pale scales turned crimson as she gripped the glowing light spear dented into the cement beneath her. “W-what do you know!? Y-you don’t know me! I-I am a weak coward!” she shouted, tossing the spear back at Undyne with the force of a lightning bolt.

The daring detective dodged to the side, her eye lighting up as she watched the spear explode into the side of the station in a flash of lights and debris.

“Oh, but I do! I know you better than you know yourself, punk!” Another spear was sent flying towards the scruffy little lizard girl.

“I-is that a c-challenge?!” Alphys retorted, catching the spear with her bare hands easily.

“Ladies, please, ;)” Aaron whimpered, sweating bullets near the train’s entrance. “You’re terrifying me with your incredible muscles ;)” Honestly, I couldn’t tell if he was upset or having the time of his life.

The girlfriends continued their quarrel, his pleas and cries for help drowned out by their uh, romance? “I know how much you love your weird game, Tales of Kissie Cutie!”

“D-don’t bring that up!” Alphys said, either blushing with embarrassment or red with blind rage as she lobbed another dangerous electric spear back towards Undyne.

The attack proved too quick for Undyne, or maybe she didn’t care to dodge. The magical weapon exploded straight into her chest on impact, scorching her already battered coat, singing the fabric. “Ha! There’s no need to be embarrassed of what you’re passionate about! That’s why I love you! Even if it is something as lame as a video game,” Undyne yelled, eye flaring. “You give it your all!”

“B-but!” Alphys countered, glasses fogged. “I-I d-don’t give it my all t-to anything else! I-I’m running away from everything that actually matters right now! T-that’s proof!”

Undyne’s fangs shimmered under the moon’s white light with a wild grin. Alphys stepped right into her trap, it looked like. “More like proof against it, nerd!” Spears materialized all around Alphys’ body, completely surrounding her with razor sharp edges. “You’re willing to leave everyone you love, leave everything you know to stop them! And it’d work too! If that’s not passion, if that’s not strength, I don’t know what is!”

“I-I, uh!” Alphys stumbled over her words, eyes darting for something to help her berate herself. “I-I don’t know about that!” she yelled lamely, hands curled into fists.

Undyne walked forward slowly, each step smashing the cement under her power. “Well I do, punk!” Her voice was more of a menacing growl now as she loomed over Alphys, spears keeping her trapped in place. “I respect your passion, I respect your effort! But I won’t let you leave.”

The trapped scientist couldn’t meet her gaze anymore. Her words became soft, scared. “B-but what else can I do?”

Spears vanished, fangs hid themselves away. “Nothing,” Undyne breathed, snatching Alphys up and holding her in a tight, loving embrace. “You don’t need to do anything anymore,” she said sweetly. “I’ll handle it.”

A gasp, a mumble. “But!”

“No buts, nerd,” Undyne whispered, stroking her head with the softest touch. “I’m going to take care of it. I mean it. I won’t let you leave, whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t want to go,” she replied through gasping breaths. “I w-won’t go.”

And with that, Undyne dropped her girlfriend onto the cold wet concrete with an ungraceful plop. “Ha! I knew it! I win!” she gloated, laughing.

Wowie! That was so cool! If this is what relationships are like, I certainly need to get my hands on one! Who would have thought the correct way to profess your love was by throwing dangerous exploding spears at each other?! I’m glad I had you around for this, notepad, so I could write all this down just in case I need pointers.

Hmm, now that I think of it… When Undyne and I first met, we had a dramatic fight like this too. Could it have been love at first sight? Oh no, notepad! I’m not ready to face my feelings like this!! Let’s just bury this away like all good grizzled detectives do, okay?!

“Oww! U-Undyne!!” Alphys whined, rubbing her sore behind. “W-why do you always have to do things like that?”

Her face was red, practically steaming, but she continued to laugh anyway. “Romance is lame! I proved my point! That’s all that matters!”

The mousy little dino let out a sigh, unable to muster up the energy to challenge her anymore. “H-how did you find me anyway?”

“Babe, I’m a detective,” Undyne said matter-of-factly.

“W-well, not _really_ , you don’t have a private detective license or anything…”

License? To be a detective?! How absurd! That’s like needing a license to be a lawyer!

Alphys shook her head, as if disagreeing with my inner musings. “T-that’s not the p-point though. How are you g-gonna take care of it, Undyne?”

A whistling screeched through the rainy weather, the cry of the train as it chugged away from the station. Undyne’s grin disappeared like a terrible magic trick nobody wanted to see. “I’ll figure it out.”

That didn’t satisfy her girlfriend. “T-that’s not g-good enough! I-I n-need to know w-when!” Alphys’ voice trailed off. “Or else…”

A shake of her head, Undyne frowned harder, but her eye emitted courage this time. “Tomorrow. For sure.”

Boy, I wish I knew what was going on here! I felt like quite the third wheel! I know third wheels are very practical, though!!

“H-how?” Alphys mumbled, skeptical.

Undyne crossed her arms, mulling something over in her mind. “Papyrus?”

Oh!! That’s me! “YES!?” I asked, eagerly, willing to do anything for my best friend.

“I want to take over the court case tomorrow.”

“WOWIE!” I gasped. “WHAT A TWIST! WELL, IF YOU INS-”

“By myself,” she added, sounding a little guilty.

Wowie. I, um?? Notepad, I know I said I’d do anything for her, but I really like this case! Besides, how could she go on without me?! She needs me!

“I’m sorry, I know it’s something you’re looking forward to,” Undyne sighed.

I coughed nonchalantly. “COUGH! COUGH COUGH!!! OH THAT’S A DISCREET COUGH!” I coughed, proud of my acting ability. You see, notepad, I was stalling for time, trying to think of how to change her mind!

“Pap, I know you’re upset about what I’m asking,” Undyne said, that eye staring right through my stoic manly form. “You’re very clearly sweating somehow, you’re shaking, and you’re really scribbling down on your notepad.”

Impossible! How could she see through my impenetrable façade!?

Maybe she really doesn’t need me? Maybe she’s learned from all my detective and lawyer prowess, and she’s ready to go on her own?

“I want you to watch over Alphys for me, tomorrow.”

The girlfriend in question stamped her foot on the ground, splashing a puddle roughly. “I-I d-don’t need a b-babysitter!”

“WHILE I DO LOVE SITTING NEAR BABIES,” I said, “WOULDN’T STAYING WITH YOUR FEMALE FRIEND BE MORE OF A JOB SUITED FOR YOU?”

Alphys gave my statement a bit of concern. “I d-don’t think I even w-want to know why you-,”

“BECAUSE THEY SMELL GOOD. WELL. UNTIL THEY DON’T.”

Undyne’s one-eyed gaze shifted from Alphys to me, from soft and loving, to determined. “Yeah,” she nodded. “But I can’t be sure of what will happen tomorrow. I need a big strong hero to protect my princess, you see?”

Nyeh heh! Well! I _am_ quite big and strong! I can see why Undyne would choose me to protect her damsel from any distress! This could potentially be even more important than the trial!

“I’LL TAKE THE CASE!” I shouted heroically.

Undyne smiled at me, a look of pride shimmering in her rainy scales. “I knew I could count on you. You do know what heroes do to protect princesses right?”

That was easy! “FIGHT OFF EVIL-DOERS, OF COURSE!” I flexed, nyeh-heh-hehing. Oh, if only Aaron was still here, he’d be so impressed!

“Nah, nah, that’s totally lame now!” Undyne shook her head. “Heroes these days use cool get away cars if they’re in danger! They drive away as fast as they can, taking the princess, and doing sick tricks all the way!”

Wowie! Times sure have changed! I had no idea that’s what all the hip heroes were doing! “BUT, UNDYNE! THAT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE RUNNING AWAY?” And running away isn’t heroic or manly!

Brushing off my statement, Undyne replied, “Pshaw, not at all! Driving away in the Bonemobile in style is running away? No, there’s no evidence to support that at all, Pap!”

Hmm! My partner raised an intriguing point! I can see why heroes would do such daring feats of driving now! It keeps the princess safe, and it means any evil-doers don’t have to be harmed in the process! It’s brilliant really! The wonders of modern heroism never cease to amaze me!

“WOWIE! YOU’RE RIGHT!” I said with a grin. I turned to Alphys, bowing with fedora in hand. “I’LL GUARD YOU WITH MY LIFE, M’LADY!”

Alphys grimaced. “Please don’t do that.”

A hearty laughter boomed through Undyne’s fishy face as she slapped me on the back too roughly again. “I knew I could count on you, Pap!”

My spine ached at the spot of impact, but I wasn’t about to show it! “OF COURSE! AND I KNOW YOU CAN WIN THE TRIAL TOMORROW! I BELIEVE IN YOU, UNDYNE!”

Alphys held Undyne’s hand tenderly. “I b-believe in you, t-too.”

Her smile flinched, her laughter became unsteady, but just for a moment. She held strong. “Yeah. Yeah! I’ll win. I’ll fix everything.”

* * *

Nyeh-heh-heh! Now, notepad, I wish I could write more to you! We had such a great slumber party over at Alphys’ house! We rewatched Game of Bones, all night! Alphys kept yelling at how the show got it wrong, and telling us how the manga did it better. It was such a fun time! I would go over it in detail, but I’m running out of room, and you’re out of pages! Oh, darn it, and I can’t find my extra notepad anywhere!

Well, I’ll have to find myself another one sometime later. Sorry I couldn’t tell you how the case ended! Anyway, we’ve had some great times, notepad, and I’m confident things will be even better tomorrow! This is the end for you and me, but I’ll keep you close, and your new brother will join you with new stories soon enough! Write to you later, notepad!

Love,

The Great Detective Papyrus!!!!!!!


	7. Dealing with Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne is taking the lead on the case, and Mettaton reveals his final witness.
> 
> Will she finally be able to face up to her past?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx4aK-YsPeU&list=PLULvqreQJEtAYaALc953Bh1GVyAWHAnEf)

First things first. Let’s get one thing straight. This is **Undyne’s personal notepad** , and you DO NOT have permission to read this. That means you, Papyrus! Even you, Alphys! NO ONE is allowed to read this but me.

I mean it. Final warning. I don’t care if you’re a random passerby who found this page somehow, or even if you’re from a different universe reading somewhere you think you’re safe! If you read this, I will find you and pound you into oblivion!!!

Yeah.

Yeah, those warnings probably scared everyone off by now.

I need to write my feelings down. No matter how stupid or gushy or mushy it sounds, that’s what I have to do. I’ve been running away from my thoughts and my feelings for too long. It’s time I faced what’s been bothering me. I am going to write down how I feel NO MATTER WHAT! No lying to myself! If I want to get stronger, I have to do this.

Seriously, if anyone is reading this, I really will pound you, got it?! Not the ‘haha how funny’ kind of pound either. The kind of pound that leaves you _six feet under the ground!_

Hmm. That rhymed. Nice. Well, whatever.

* * *

.

.

.

The night spent at Alphys’ was great. It felt like old times again, not that it was even that long ago. We laughed and ate terrible pasta and watched TV. Like old times, too, there was that tight anxiousness that lay at the pit of my stomach. A little worse than usual, sure, but I think I hid it well.

I left early in the morning while they were sleeping. No car today, I had to leave that with Papyrus. I wasn’t sure if The Family would really come after Alphys, but I know they had seen her note. I wasn’t sure what The Family was capable of anymore. There were too many unknowns and I-don’t-knows when it came to them now.

Fortunately, I know I can trust Papyrus. Now that I got it in his head to hightail it out of there at the first sign of trouble, I’m certain they’ll be okay, no matter what happens.

Walking through the streets, though, that gave me too much time to think. Worse yet? It stopped raining. Of all the days! I had to take one of my cigarettes to soothe my nerves. The lack of rain felt like an omen, but I knew that was all in my head.

I’ll never quite understand how anyone can dislike the rain. Now that it was gone, the city felt so quiet. Musty yellow rays of sun shone down in my eye, practically blinding me at every turn. Without the rain, the world just looked damp and old. Gross stale puddles from the night before remained on the sidewalk, accumulating whatever filth was left instead of getting washed away.

Ngah! Enough talk of the weather! It doesn’t matter, and I don’t care if it’s raining frogs and asteroids!

I should use this time to go over the case.

My top suspect should be pretty obvious at this point. I don’t know for sure, but it seems everything is pointing towards him again. Could it be another framing? I wasn’t so sure.  The golden petal, the three hot marks on the garbage container and, last but not least, the glass shard.

At the time, last night, I didn’t think of what it could be. A shard pulsing with magic, felt like electricity. What else could it be used for? I’ve never paid much attention to Alphys’ work place, but I’ve seen jars like it before.

I’m certain I knew what the jars would have been for. It wasn’t a nice thought. I don’t feel like writing that one down.

Still, this wasn’t exactly a dusty knife with prints belonging to the killer. None of this junk was a guaranteed win. But, I think I can appeal to him. I hope I can.

Hm. If he even shows up. Guess if he doesn’t, I could always call him to the stand, right? That’s a thing lawyers do? Ngah, what did I get myself into?!

No sense in worrying now. Before I had realized it, I had made it to the courthouse. My heart was pounding. Weakness, I know. It’s best I admit to it rather than ignore it, then maybe I can overcome these feelings.

The lobby was jam packed again with monsters, chattering and gossiping away at how this dramatic mystery might end. Most assumed Catty did it, still. 

Right, Catty. I’ll be honest, I mostly forgot about her. A little cruel, I suppose, but I have bigger fish to fry. That didn’t come out how I meant it to.

“Oh! Like, hey! Like! Helloooo!” Catty purred, calling me over across the way.

Since I’m being honest, I’ll admit one more thing. I wasn’t a fan of Catty. Don’t get me wrong, she’s cute in a literal trashy way, but god the way she talks.

“Um, helloooo?!” Catty tried again, sounding mildly annoyed and confused at the same time. “Like, detective or lawyer lady, or whatever!! I’m, like, over here!”

I sighed. Fine, I guess I should go talk to her. “Yeah?” I asked through a puff of smoke.

Her yellow feline eyes glanced over me, looking side to side. “Um, like, where’s the bone guy? He didn’t, like, totally flake out on me, did he? Oh. My. God! That would be so totally lame!”

I could tell she was going to keep going on and on about it.

“He’s working on your case outside the courtroom,” I lied, stopping her endless banter. “Papyrus would never flake on anyone, trust me. I’ll be defending you.” I couldn’t help but show a little anger in my voice. I didn’t like the accusatory tone she held towards Papyrus.

She raised an eyebrow at that. “Oh. Like, okaaay, I guess.”

I didn’t feel the need to say anything else to her. She stared up at me, expecting something.

“Um, like, you must be feeling totally confident, right?” Catty asked with a wave of a paw, her chains jingling. “Yesterday you guys, like, totally owned!! Like, when Mettaton was all like--”

“Yeah, I feel confident,” I lied again. Think she saw through that one. I wasn’t exactly in a chipper mood. Damn, already need another smoke.

Catty frowned. “Well, I, like, totally believe in you!” Her voice strained. She was lying, too. I didn’t blame her. I knew I wasn’t instilling much confidence. I’d protect her though, even if I didn’t like her. No one deserves to have a murder unjustly pinned on them.

“Yeah,” was all I said back.

No point in standing around all awkward like. I gave her a quick wave and made my way back into the courtroom, wanting to have some time to prepare, and even more wanting to get away from her and the others.

Ugh.

I could already feel another headache coming on. The courtroom appeared to have gone under some significant repairs overnight. I think it looked better in ruins over what they turned it into now.

Desks were replaced by ‘stylish’ Mettaton brand desks. A sickening chrome mixed with black and pink stripes across. Any cracks or holes in the wall from the previous day were hastily covered by Mettaton posters advertising _even more_ of his terrible shows. There was even one advertising this very case! Why was he advertising this case in the actual case? How did that make sense!?

Ngah, best not to lose my cool over something so stupid.

The witness stand was just a flat-out stage now. More stage lights could be found scattered throughout. I even spotted a net holding various Mettaton colored balloons over the prosecution’s desk. There wasn’t a single balloon over my head. The thought that I could win never even crossed his mind. What was once a decent attempt at a serious courtroom was made into a complete mockery by that egomaniac, Mettaton.

“Places, places everyone! ;)” A sweat-filled voice rang through the building. “Court will soon be in session! Take your seats! Remember to buy your M.T.T. Brand Court Snacks™ before the trial begins and not after! ;)”

Looks like this whole court business is turning out to be quite lucrative to everyone involved.

Bustling into their seats up on the gallery, I noted our oh-so-wonderful judge had magically appeared at his seat. As if he was always there. Boy, that joke certainly didn’t get old. We flexed for the judge, signaling the “show” was starting. I wasn’t really into it this time.

“hey,” Sans said, the light in his eyes staring at me hard. “where’s my bro?” If it weren’t for that grin, I’d say he sounded a little critical there.

He must’ve felt pretty powerful up there, looking down on me.

“He’s busy,” I said.

It was so satisfying watching those eyes of his flicker. A moment of worry. That mysterious (dangerous even) look defeated so quickly. I admit, I felt a little bad using Papyrus to mess with his brother, but I needed this.

“that so,” Sans replied, unhappy, yet still smiling. Like usual. “well, hope it doesn’t get too _gorey_ in here without him.” Wink.

Ngah! That stupid skeleton! Cruel like usual, too.  Fine, I deserved that!

I clenched my fists in a clear reaction to his ‘joke.’ My best plan of action was to simply ignore him. Nothing a comedian can’t stand more than a silent audience.

Speaking of annoying monsters, it looked like Mettaton was late again. ‘Fashionably late’ I’m sure. I sighed in frustration. I could feel the black puffs of smoke rising through my clenched fangs. How late is fashionably late anyw-

_“OOOOOHHHHH YEEEESSSSSSS!!!!”_

Guess that explains that.

The metal prosecutor burst through the same wall as last time, only this time he simply ripped through a poster of himself. It wasn’t as dramatic without the debris, and it certainly wasn’t as interesting a second time.

Of course, the crowd ate it up though. Cheering, clapping, screaming his name. What did people see in that guy? He posed and bowed (somehow) in that boxy body of his, stage lights flooding and dancing around his glittering form.

“Sorry to keep you all waiting, my darlings!” His voice buzzed through a microphone charismatically.

He wasn’t sorry at all.

Once the applause finally started to die down, Mettaton turned to face me across the room. Yellow and red lights blinked in thought. “My my! Weren’t there two loser defense attorneys going against me before?” His voice was so genuine, I truly believed he forgot already. “What happened to the bony one? Did he realize he couldn’t face my fabulous façade? Run away scared?”

My blood was boiling. It was one thing to insult me, but another entirely to insult Papyrus. I opened my fangs, ready to retort.

“watch it, metts,” Sans said cooly. Even though it was breathed out like a lazy sigh, it came out as more of a threat than even I could have mustered myself.

A tiny recoil of his hand, something Mettaton wasn’t used to. “My apologies, your honor! I’ll be sure to save my witty remarks for the brute from now on!”

Sans’ eyes returned, smile wide and cheerful. “go nuts.”

That was at least one thing I could respect Sans for. His love for Papyrus. I’d receive no such special treatment, but I didn’t need it or want it.

“Well!” Mettaton cooed, rebooting his acting abilities. “It matters not who I’d go against anyway!” With a dramatic motion, he reached into a compartment in his body and pulled out a delicate tea cup. “My next witness will prove Cannibal Catty is guilty to a **_tea!_** ”

“nice.”

Just like that, Mettaton was back in good graces with Sans. While even I was mildly impressed, I could only feel that anxious weight in the pit of my stomach again, knowing what it meant. Could I really do this?

“Without further ado, I present to _you_ , As--- Drem—[The writing blurs here] !!!”

Him. I knew it.

Tray in hand, teapot and teacups at the ready, the goat monster made his way up to the witness stand warmly. He still wore his usual pinstripe suit, signifying his role as leader of the group, _The Family._ “Thank you, you are too kind, Mr. Ton.”

Mettaton ignored the mispronunciation, most likely used to it by now after their many dealings together. “Oh, darling! You don’t praise me enough!” The robot laughed mechanically. “But, sadly, this trial isn’t _completely_ about me!” Motioning his hand to the tray, Mettaton asked, “What have you got there?”

He smiled again. So sincere. So caring. It sent a stake through my heart. My throat wrenched just at the sight. “I’ve brought tea for you all,” he said. “It’s been quite a lively case, and the three of you deserve a reward for working so hard.”

Of course, he’d bring tea. When hasn’t he offered tea?! Why didn’t I expect this?! I was unprepared. Foolish.

He lumbered gently to each desk, placing a steaming cup delicately down before Sans and Mettaton. He had to reach up ever so slightly to reach Sans, but he didn’t mind. I couldn’t read the judge’s expression. Didn’t have time, anyway. My heart was pounding. He saved me for last.

“Howdy, Undyne,” he greeted quietly, his massive form looming over me. His smile was never fake, never a lie, yet it strained all the same. “It’s your favorite. Scalding hot, too, just how you like it.” His paw quivered ever so slightly as he placed the drink before me.

I said nothing. Couldn’t say anything. He didn’t mind. Never did. He went back to the witness stage, placing the tea set away with a careful clattering.

Let’s get this over with.

I took a gulp of the tea. Suddenly I’m flooded with memories. Sweet, warm memories, filled with honey. Never a foul taste, never a foul memory. Yet, I still suffocated. I drowned in those happy times. There was no escaping it, no room for movement. I was buried deep below the earth, warm laughter, pleasant feelings, unfathomable love boxing me in.

The tea burned my throat, scarring the scales deep inside.

I threw the priceless china at the floor, shattering it to pieces.

He flinched at the sound. “Was it not to your liking?” Despite such a violent act, such an insult to his very being, his voice was still so soft, so understanding. It was maddening.

My voice could barely reach over a whisper. Pathetic. “It was perfect.”

A deeply sad frown still etched itself on his muzzle. Fortunately for us, Mettaton wasn’t one to notice anyone but himself.

“Wonderful tea as always! Simply wonderful!” Mettaton’s cup was nowhere to be found, nor was the knowledge of how he could have even drunk it. “However, as much as we’d all love to sit around drinking teas, we really _must_ get on with the show!”

Sans nodded, his cup empty as well, somehow.

“Now then,” Mettaton cupped his hands together in a serious fashion, pretending to be serious. “I’m sure most everyone knows you, but if you could state your name and occupation for us all?”

Nodding solemnly, the witness answered, “I am A—rr.” Damn it. Hands won’t steady themselves. “I’m the leader of an organization called The Family. We’re a charity for monsters in need.”

“My my, and I can _personally_ attest that he’s a great monster!” Mettaton said, spotlights rushing to him like hungry ants to a scrap of food. “Not only has the old goat gotten me out of quite the debt, he even helped pay for the courtroom’s renovations!”

He held up an index finger, politely trying to get the prosecutor’s attention. “Ah, you are most welcome, Mr. Ton. We never did quite discuss how you’d like to pay back-”

“Oh! Such a generous man!” Mettaton shouted, the spotlights on him glowing more intensely.

He smiled nervously. “Uh, yes, thank you for your kind words, but-”

“Modest, too! Ah! How blessed all of monster kind is to have you!” The lights were absolutely blinding.

He gave up with a quiet sigh, twiddling his big furry claws to himself.

I had enough time wasting. I slammed a fist down onto the desk, denting the ugly thing. “Enough! We know how _great_ he is! Get on with it, robot!”

A smug tone worked its way into Mettaton’s voice box. “Oh, so the caveman _can_ speak!” A chuckle. “Very well. Mr. _em__, you were a witness to the Cannibal Catty’s crime, were you not?”

He looked down at the floor. “Yes.”

“Can you please tell us what you saw that day?”

“Hm. Yes.” He kept his eyes to the floor, but they glittered with dark memories. No one could doubt his sadness for the loss of life. “I was in the alleyway in question that night.”

“What were you doing, if I might ask?”

“Throwing out garbage.” He continued his testimony, his voice deep and stoic. “I did not witness the actual death of Mr. Pants, but I did stumble upon a Ms. Catty eating burgers.”

Mettaton feigned interest beautifully. The audience was in the palm of his hand. “While that is certainly a strange sight, what did you do? What made you think something was wrong?”

His expression was grim. A mix of sadness and anger. “I am an old monster, Mr. Ton. I have seen my share of tragedy.” The anger flickered out quick enough, though. “I recognized the dust of a fallen monster.”

“Interesting, interesting!” Mettaton had heard all of this beforehand, of course. “What did you do then?”

His face was shadowed, unreadable. “What else could I do?” He sounded desperate almost. “I called the police, after apprehending Ms. Catty, of course.”

Even without a mouth, I could tell Mettaton was smiling gleefully. “Ah! What a hero, you are! Is there any doubt in your mind that Cannibal Catty did _not_ commit the crime?”

Expression still hidden away in darkness, he said, “I have no doubts that--,”

“Objection!” I shouted, startling the witness out of his gloomy mood. His eyes were wide with a very real shock. “This is baseless … uhh…. speculation!” I faltered over my words. I’m not a lawyer, okay?! “The prosecution is…. leading the witness!” Damn, Papyrus would have handled this a lot better.

Surprisingly, Sans was cooperative with me, for once. “got a point, metts.”

With a pout, Mettaton waved it off. “Fine, fine! Strike it from the record, or whatever! Everyone was thinking it, anyway!”

Sans looked around the courtroom, craning his neck lazily. “don’t think we even have a notary.” He paused. “guess i’ll take _note_ of that for next time.”

Hopefully there won’t be a next time.

“Regardless, darlings!” Mettaton held a microphone close to his blinking lights. “I think it’s contextually clear Cannibal Catty is guilty! The witness is a valuable member of society, and I think all of us can attest to his trustworthy testimony!”

I wasn’t being as aggressive as I should have.

“Why don’t we end this farce, now, your honor?” Mettaton added. “The defense _obviously_ has nothing to add!”

The goat monster was quiet. Unhappy. Even under the spotlights, he still managed to find darkness. For a split second, his eye glanced at mine. I knew everything. He knew it, too.

That room. Inside his home. The humans. I remember it. I always knew it was there. Too afraid to speak up, too afraid to stop him. I let it happen. Mostly because I couldn’t believe it. But I said I’d stop him! I said I’d stop running away! I thought I had gotten over this weakness!

Before I knew it, I found my head down on my arms, lost in a tornado of thoughts and feelings. That goat monster. He meant everything to me, damn it! God, how pathetic I am, but he’s as close to a father as I ever had! How am I supposed to send someone who cared for me to jail? How could I believe he killed another monster?! That he hurt those human kids!? It didn’t make sense! That fluffy wimp couldn’t hurt anyone!

He raised me to be who I am today! If he has this darkness in him, if I admit to that, what does that say about me? Doesn’t that mean I do, too?

“ **Undyne**.”

I snapped my head up, the voice deafening in my mind. Was it him?

It was Sans. “get a hold of yourself.” For the first time, he sounded serious.

 _This_ guy was going to help me?! Sans of all people?! I knew that punk wanted to stop him, too, but he was that desperate? Give words of encouragement to me? Ngah! I didn’t need help from a loser like that!

Damn it! I’m too afraid to even write his name down let alone say it! No more!

Asgore. Asgore. **Asgore.** Asgore **. Asgore. Asgore**. **Asgore.**

I pounded the desk with a curled fist, gritting my teeth.

_“Asgore!”_

I saw him jump at my voice. He was just as surprised as I was. No, it hurt him more than it did me. Good.

“You’re not getting away _that_ easy!”

I put a leg up on the desk, denting it again. It felt good to break this ugly puny thing. “I demand I get my chance to cross-examine the witness or whatever!”

Mettaton’s surprise at my sudden mood change didn’t last long. “Such a way with words, this one,” he sighed. “I have no problem with it. She’s no threat to my case.”

The judge chuckled. “good luck, undies.”

Pah! I don’t need luck! Adrenaline pumped through my veins. Justice was on my side!

“Asgore!” I roared again, sending a tiny shockwave through his body. “Your story is full of holes! Just why would you be out throwing trash away at that time of night?!”

My accusation struck true again. He hid himself away in darkness, his stance stiff and rigid. Had he nothing to say?

A loud clapping brought all attention back to Mettaton. “Is throwing one’s garbage out a crime? What does it matter if it’s at night or day?”

I shook my head, fists clenched, claws biting into my scales. The pain fueled me. “Maybe not, but throwing away your trash in a _different_ alleyway than the one nearest to your home certainly is suspicious, isn’t it?”

An electric spark. A miscalculated blink of his lights. “What?!” Mettaton growled, his fabulous voice losing its usual flair.

Asgore said nothing. Made no motion.

“That’s right!” I continued, feeling unstoppable. “I’ve been to Asgore’s little flower shop! Directly across the street, he’s got an alleyway with a dumpster right there!” I let the words settle in, watched as the confused crowd of monsters murmured to themselves for a moment. “Why would he go to a different alleyway to throw his trash away?!”

Delicate hands curled into a fist of anger. “That’s! …” Mettaton tried to counter, but even the most powerful computer couldn’t answer this.

I crossed my arms, feeling proud of myself. I cast doubt into the courtroom, and luckily, that was all I needed now.

“A simple answer,” a deep voice said. Asgore stood tall, but his head kept low. The light of the stage shimmered upon his horns, producing the illusion of a cruel grin. “The material I was throwing out was odorous. Throwing it out in the dumpster near me would create a powerful stench.” There was no sadness in his tone. There wasn’t anything.

I knew he’d fight back, but I didn’t expect that. “Just what were you throwing away, then?!”

“Fertilizer.”

I lost my balance. “Fertilizer?!” I repeated loudly, dumbly.

Asgore nodded. “Manure, if I’m to be technical. I’m sure you know what that is.”

I growled. “That’s what you’re trying to feed us right now, yeah!”

“nice one,” Sans chimed in. Gah! Shut up!

Ignoring both of us, Asgore went on, completely unfazed. “I accidently bought too much. It’s a fire hazard, you know.” He held his palm open, and a flame appeared. “And I’m quite versed in fire magic. I couldn’t risk endangering my neighbors or my customers, so I tossed the bags away in a more remote part of the city, hoping the smell wouldn’t bother anyone.”

“Lies!” I shouted angrily. “You would never lose control of your fire!”

“It is better to be safe than sorry,” he said, emotionless.

I was losing my cool. “I didn’t see a single bag of fertilizer at the scene of the crime! I didn’t smell it either!”

Suddenly, I found a finger wagging in my face from Mettaton’s outstretched arm. “Darling, _darling_! What is this court to do? Debate over a bag of fertilizer all day?” He tsk-tsked me. “Mr. Dreemurr has explained himself sufficiently. I see no need to keep pursuing this line of questioning!”

“But-!”

“no butts, heh,” Sans chuckled, loving the potty talk. “move on, undies.”

Ngaaah! How infuriating! All that for nothing! Whatever, I wasn’t about to give up that easily.

“Fine.” I clicked my claws together, creating a spark for a much needed cigarette. Asgore’s stoicism broke for a moment, his mouth creased with worry over my health. After everything, he still cares for me.

The arid heat scorched my already burned throat as black clouds puffed from my gills. Ngah. If only yelling, screaming, and punching could win this case! This was way harder than a physical fight! Somehow, I need to prove that Asgore _isn’t_ this golden hero monster who can do no wrong. How was I supposed to do that when I could barely believe it myself?

I could mention the kids. Mention the room.

The rows of beds, the quiet shuffling, how still those small bodies were…

I don’t want to revisit that memory. I’ll lose myself if I do.

To anyone else, Asgore appeared to be a strong, proud leader, mourning the loss of life he witnessed. That was true. But his eyes told more to me. ‘Please don’t,’ he silently begged.

Well, even if I wanted to, it wouldn’t matter. I have no evidence to prove it. Or … maybe I did? No, it wouldn’t be relevant at all to bring that up. I’d be struck down.

“We’re _waiting_ , darling.” Mettaton mock pointed to a non-existent watch on his wrist. “Don’t tell me you’re finished already?”

Well, I’ve got nothing. Might as well take a shot in the dark.

“I’m just getting started,” I bluffed, grinning like a fool. “So, _Asgore_ , how can you be so sure Catty was the killer that night? By your own words, you said you didn’t witness the actual murder.”

“Oh, come now!” Mettaton exclaimed, vocally unimpressed. “Grasping at straws!”

“Let me finish!” I growled. “How can anyone be sure it was Catty who killed Burgerpants? What if someone else killed him before she showed up?”

Slamming a robotic palm on his desk, Mettaton screeched, “Objection! This is baseless speculation!” His blinking lights shone a deep angry red. “Although, not a surprise from such a base woman.”

“harsh,” Sans chuckled, chiming in unnecessarily again.

I shrugged, ignoring the insult. “Fine, sure, maybe. But all I’m asking is if Fluffybuns here can tell us anything more! Wouldn’t want to condemn Catty without all the facts, now would we?”

“fair enough,” Sans yawned. “answer to the best of your ability, gorey.”

My question didn’t faze him in the slightest. “I’m certain,” Asgore said solemnly. “I made multiple trips to the alleyway in question, merely minutes apart. I saw absolutely no sign of anyone else.”

A solid answer, but it left him open to counter attacks.

“Convenient,” I said through a puff of smoke, unnerving him slightly. “Now, I’m not going to pursue your fertilizer story anymore, even though we all know what a load that is.”

Mettaton let out another huff, threatening to interrupt at the slightest misstep.

“You sure no one else was there?” I asked again, unable to hide my confident tone.

Asgore was skeptical. Something was amiss, but he had no choice in the matter but to answer. “Of course.”

I laughed. I had no idea what I was doing, but no one else knew that. “Well, how do you explain this?!” I shouted dramatically, mimicking Papyrus to the best of my ability. With a cool flair, I held a soft golden petal that we had found in the alleyway last night.

For whatever reason, that gave an intense reaction from Asgore.

As if a punch had landed in his gut, the goat monster reeled, his shadowed face falling under the spotlight for all to see. Shock, sadness. **Guilt**. Suddenly his age was apparent, his knees trembling, his eyes old and grey. “That…” his voice shook and stuttered.

“Goodness me!” Mettaton yelled with a clap. “How you managed to think such a piece of evidence was relevant is astounding! I’m genuinely impressed with your foolishness!”

For once, that robot was right. It meant nothing to me, but it nearly broke Asgore. My attack went through somehow, and that was all that mattered.

“What is this gaudy little thing?” Mettaton asked, grabbing at it with his stretchy arms. “A flower petal? Good grief, darling! You’ve established Asgore was at the scene of the crime!” His voice box was overflowing with sarcasm. “You realize he owns a flower shop, yes? A flower petal could have easily fallen off his person!”

I shrugged again, grinning still. This only infuriated the prosecutor. “Guess so, huh?”

Yet the effects of the evidence still left its mark on the flower shop owner. His face hidden in the shadows again, but he was no longer stiff and rigid. His breathing was erratic, his body weak. I hit a sensitive spot, for sure. It pained me to see him like this, but it had to be done. For Alphys’ sake. For everyone’s sake.

“So, you’re just wasting the court’s time, then?” Mettaton’s screen animated into a skull and crossbones, irritated over his loss of control. “Your honor, this nonsense has gone on far enough!”

“Hang on.” Now was the time. I spat my cigarette onto the floor. Wouldn’t need it. “Don’t you get what I’m saying? I think we have proof enough that only three people were at the scene of the crime during the murder. Catty, Burgerpants, and Asgore.”

“So what?!” Mettaton gripped the edge of his desk, his metal fingers cracking and piercing the metal exterior. “We already know all that!”

I frowned, focusing my eye straight onto Asgore. It pierced him like a dagger. “Somebody killed Burgerpants at that time, and I don’t think it was Catty. Looking at all the evidence, through all the testimony we’ve received, there’s only one other suspect.”

Like an angry lightbulb flickering in his chassis, the idea finally sunk in. Mettaton nearly exploded. “You’re insane!”

“Asgore Dreemurr.” I pointed the tip of my claw towards his hulking form, the nail gleaming like a sharpened spear. “I think _you_ murdered Burgerpants!”

No response from him. No reaction.

“Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense!” Mettaton howled like a mad dummy. Electricity jolted around the air, threatening to zap anyone that came close. “I’ve seen some terrible dramas in my day, but this takes the cake! What kind of idiot would believe a tale like this?! What kind of fool would even create a story so asinine!?”

The onlookers in the gallery were also in an uproar. Some angry, most confused. They couldn’t believe Asgore would do something so horrible, and I didn’t blame them for thinking that way.

“Do we even _have_ a judge?!” Mettaton shouted, spewing battery acid. “Certainly would be nice to have someone rein in the crazy!”

“i’m gonna allow her to pursue the idea,” Sans said, eyes dim. “she better watch her step, though.”

A hand twitched in pure rage as the robot malfunctioned. “Madness! Absolute madness!” Mettaton pointed towards the little skeleton, animated lights seething with hate-filled crimson. “I’ll have you disbarred when this is over!”

“that’s fine,” Sans shrugged. “like i said, i never was one to judge anyway.”

I didn’t think it was possible, but Mettaton grew only angrier. Scorching hot steam hissed through his seams, gears grinding at an impossible pace. “I’ve had _enough_ of your terrible jokes! I _demand_ you put an end to this farce right now! Declare her guilty, I say!”

“be quiet.” It was all he had to say. Sans’ tone told all. Another peep out of Mettaton about this, and he’d be ungracefully kicked out. Humiliated in front of the entire city.

The threat was real.

“Fine,” the robot huffed, lights blinking regularly again. “But I will still call her out on whatever garbage she spews.” 

“that’s fine.”

Never thought I’d find myself respecting that puny skeleton up there. Only a little, mind you. He and I had the same goal. He wasn’t doing it for me, or for anyone else, but himself. Luckily, I didn’t need his help anyway.

“Well?” Asgore asked, shadowed, defiant, and sad.

“Those ‘claw’ marks on the dumpster,” I started off, finally facing him. “Catty’s claws couldn’t have done that. Three lines running hot through the metal.”

He knew what I was implying. He simply frowned.

I growled, angry that he wouldn’t face me. The Asgore I knew was a pushover, but he was no coward. “I’ll spell it out for everyone, then. Those weren’t claw marks. It was the mark of a flaming hot trident!”

My words resonated with the gallery. Monsters chattered away to themselves again, arguing what the truth could have been. Some knew Asgore used a trident, some were still adamant he’d never hurt anyone with it, some even suggested Burgerpants must have attacked.

“Why?” Asgore turned to me, stern.

Why? Why what!? Why was I doing this to him?! Had he finally given up?

The old man sighed, reading me all too clearly. “You’re forgetting something, Undyne.” I didn’t like him saying my name. It felt wrong. “Why would I hurt Burgerpants?”

Ugh! Why don’t I think these things through? Damnit, why would Asgore ever hurt another monster?!

A robotic laughter echoed across the walls. “Oh, darling, I tried to warn you! Your line of reasoning was flawed from the start! Now it looks like you’ll have to be humiliated once again!”

I clutched my spear. It must have materialized out of a reflex to the pain. It wasn’t physical, but it still hurt.

But wait. Asgore’s hurting me! I’m a monster! (Duh.) Why would he hurt me? Why did he hurt me?

The answer was obvious.

The human children. Their souls. His soulless son. Asgore would stop at nothing to help his kid. He’s a grieving father who would do anything, even hurt innocent children, even hurt-

Of course.

“You had no choice,” I said finally. The words struck true. A terrible blow to the father.

Mettaton didn’t understand. How could he? “What? Darling, are you implying it was self-defense? Lunacy!”

I ignored him, watching as my words broke through Asgore’s armor. “Burgerpants stumbled onto something he shouldn’t have seen.”

The poor old monster’s façade was crushed. His eyes glimmered, his paws trembled. “I… I have nothing to hide,” he said hopelessly. “You have no evidence.” His voice was quiet, weak. He knew he was defeated.

My heart wrenched. I struggled with the thought of letting him go, again. Asgore was a good man. He didn’t deserve everything that had happened to him. He’d done so much good for all of monster-kind! What would we do without him? Maybe it was for the best to let him be.

A memory of Alphys’ pale heaving body threw itself into my mind. The stress Asgore caused her, the horrible things he had her create. Those human children. Burgerpants wouldn’t be the last. It had to be done.

“I do,” I said firmly with a nod. Asgore grit his teeth, clenched his furry paws into fists. Bracing for the pain.

“This shard of glass explains everything.” I pulled it out for all to see, feeling the strange zapping pressure against my scales as I held it.

Mettaton was no fool. While the glass shard meant nothing to him, he saw the effects it had on Asgore, his key witness. “What, how?” His voice had lost its dramatic flair, however. He too saw my victory approaching.

“It’s a special glass,” I continued, staring deep into its reflections, watching memories of a time long gone pass by. “Made by Alphys. It’s part of a jar used to hold souls.”

Asgore didn’t speak. He couldn’t. Shame weighed heavy on his shoulders, crushing him.

“I found it in the alleyway,” I continued, looking out at monsters all around. They were in shock. “One of two things must have happened. Either Asgore had decided to give up what he was doing with the souls, or he was capturing another.

“Things didn’t go as planned. Burgerpants came to see Catty, unknown to Asgore. He saw Asgore with the soul or souls. Like Asgore said, what choice did he have? No one could know what he was doing. It would ruin everything he had worked so hard for. Remember how Alphys couldn’t find the time of death? Fire magic was used on Burgerpants. The dust was unnaturally warm, making it impossible to know when it happened.”

“Souls?” Mettaton interjected, curious. “Everything he had worked for? Darling, I’m afraid you’ll have to fill us all in.”

It didn’t matter that Mettaton didn’t know, or that the gallery was still confused. It was over anyway. I won’t revisit that memory. Not again.

All that mattered was the big guy realizing it was all over.

“I did it.” Asgore stood tall again, out of the shadows this time. “Undyne’s right about everything.” His voice strained momentarily, but he still managed to say it. “I killed that poor little cat monster. Pinned it on the sweet young lady. I was desperate. I had hoped the justice system would be lenient on her, seeing as nothing of the sort has ever happened before.”

The courtroom was still. Even Mettaton was left speechless – for a moment at least. “But what of the souls?” he asked again.

“That is for another time,” Asgore sighed. “The important issue now is that Ms. Catty walks free.” While shame and guilt still weighed him down, Asgore stood tall, facing us all with fiery, determined eyes. He wasn’t angry.

This was the monster that lead me. This was the man who helped me find my sense of justice. This was the Asgore I had loved like a father. Finally, we could both stop running away.

“I think it’s time for the verdict, judge,” I said, feeling both a sense of pride in my heart and hurt.

“guess so,” Sans said with a grin. “after viewing all the evidence in the murder of burgerpants, i find catty guilty.”

“ _What_?!”

“just kidding.” He winked, smirking like the idiot he is. “i find catty not-guilty.”

“WOOOOO!” A voice screamed from the gallery, causing a fierce eruption of cheering from the gallery. “UNDYNE YOU ARE ALMOST THE GREATEST! THE GREATEST STILL BEING ME, PAPYRUS!” Oh, geez, when did he get here?! Papyrus (with Alphys close by his side) was throwing confetti all over the courtroom, spreading us in a gaudy glittering snow.

I guess I should go see them.

* * *

The courtroom lobby was as bustling as ever. Monsters of every shape and size couldn’t keep their mouths shut anymore, gossiping loudly with each other.

“I can’t believe Asgore did it! What a twist!”

“Don’t be dense, it was all just a play, Asgore just acted the part.”

“I don’t know, I think this might have been real???”

“Asgore would never hurt anyone! (Ever!)”

Hm. Looks like there’d be some lasting after effects for my actions. I guess I never thought past this moment. Without Asgore, what would happen to The Family? To all the monsters in need throughout the city?

Did I do the right thing?

“UNDYNE!” A booming voice called out, clearly heard over every single other monster. “YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!”

Good ol’ Papyrus.

Dragging along a cute dinosaur girl, Papyrus dashed through to see me, holding onto his precious fedora with all his might. “YOU WERE SO COOL IN THERE!” He paused, thinking something over. “PERSONALLY, I’D HAVE BEEN COOLER, BUT THAT’S JUST MY OPINION.”

His goofy words were as soothing as cool rain. A loud thunderous cool rain, but soothing still. I couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, Pap. But, what are you two doing here?”

Alphys looked up at me with those sweet eyes of hers, glasses fogging up with not-so-hidden excitement. “P-Papyrus k-kept saying how great the G-Game of Bones TV show was!”

“OH, IT REALLY IS!!”

She scowled. “T-the manga is better!!” A fist clenched in anger, but Alphys managed to take a deep breath and calm herself. Her troubles were over, after all. “A-anyways, I couldn’t s-stand it. I wanted to go out. P-Papyrus suggested going to see the trial.”

Papyrus posed heroically. “HOW COULD I LEAVE MY APPRENTICE HIGH AND DRY IN SUCH A DIRE SITUATION?!”

“Partner,” I corrected, unable to stop grinning.

“APPRENTICE PARTNER, RIGHT!” Papyrus nodded, so sure of himself like always. “WE FORCED OURSELVES IN! SOME WHIMSALOTS TRIED TO STOP US, BUT I REMEMBERED YOUR HEROIC IDEALS AND I RAN STRAIGHT PAST THEM AND INTO THE GALLERY!”

“H-he dragged me along the entire way!”

“SAFELY DRAGGED!” Papyrus corrected happily. “WHEN WE GOT THERE, THOUGH, THE TRIAL WAS ALREADY OVER! WE SAW THE VERDICT! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU, UNDYNE!”

Ah, so he missed most of everything. Good. I’m glad. Papyrus doesn’t need that in his life.

“Like, oh. My. GOD!” a girlish voice appeared behind me. A light pawing at my back. It was Catty, free of her handcuffs. “You, like, totally did it! Thank you, like, soooooooooo much!!”

I opened my mouth to respond. “IT WAS NOTHING, M’LADY!” Papyrus said, tipping his hat towards her.

Catty blinked, looking sick for a brief moment, but shaking it off. “Uhh, like, whatever! I’m, like, just soooo totally glad I’m, like, free!”

“Like, oh. My. GOD!” _Another_ overly girlish voice floated towards us. “Like, Catty! Like, girlfriend!”

Oh lord, it was Bratty. That alligator (crocodile?) girl.

A horrible screeching noise pierced my ears. “YAAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!!” They screamed in unison, greeting each other in a tight hug.

I had a strong urge to smoke.

“Like, Bratty!!” Catty was nearly crying with excitement, pawing at her friend’s blonde hair. “Where have you, like, totally been all this time? Like, it was soooooo lame not seeing my B.F.F.!!!”

Bratty frowned. “Like, I totally would have come! But, like, tickets were sooooooo expensive!”

Wait what!? “Tickets?” I interjected. “You shouldn’t have had to pay for tickets.”

“YES, YOU SHOULD HAVE RUN PAST THE GUARDS, LIKE ME! NYEH-HEH-HEH!”

With a scaly shrug, Bratty said, “Well, like, they were selling tickets to the show! And, like, the only ones left were from this TOTALLY shifty skeleton! He was, like, charging waaaay too much! It was soooo lame!”

God damn it, Sans.

“But, like, it’s totally whatever!!” Bratty went back to smiling, hopping excitedly with her friend. “I saw it, like, all on TV! It was, like, soooo rad!!” She paused awkwardly. “Well, other than the whole, like, Cannibal Catty thing.”

Yeesh. That’s right. Even if she was innocent, she still ate some of her own monster pal. That’s rough. Most of the city knows of it too.

Catty tried to play it off, but was still shaken by it. “L-like! Let’s not, like, call me that! It’s, like, totally lame!”

Not going to lie, if I, like, have to hear them speak any more, I’m going to, like, totally shoot myself. I cleared my throat to get their attention. “Glad we could help,” I said, begging mentally for them to leave.

My words appeared to have the desired effect. “Do you, like, want to go find a dump to look for some junk, girlfrand?”

Catty’s golden eyes lit up brighter than the sun itself. “Like!!! My god!! Do you even, like, need to ask!?”

“Let’s, like, totally go!!!” They squealed in unison, dashing out of the courtroom. I let out a sigh of relief. I was glad to save an innocent girl, but even gladder to see her leave.

“Darlings! Oh, darlings!” an electric voice called out to us.

Please, no.

Pushing aside his adoring fans, Mettaton rolled up to us on his lone wheel, signing autographs for nearby monsters all the way. “What a delightful show we put on!” he cooed.

Gotta admit, this wasn’t the reaction I expected. “You’re not mad?” I asked, skeptical.

Scribbling his name on a Woshua’s head, (the Woshua was mortified) Mettaton’s lights blinked happily. “Darling! Of _course_ not!” He waved me off nonchalantly. “We gave our audience the show of a life time!”

“But you lost.”

A light on his chassis blinked out of rhythm. A tiny malfunction of his robot arms. Someone’s autograph read ‘Meton’ on accident. “Oh my! It was all an act, darling!” The robot proclaimed with a twirl. “Why, you _must_ try it sometime! It might throw a bit of culture into your little caveman act!”

Heh heh, yeah, he was still mad. Cruel as it may have been, I enjoyed watching him try to keep his cool. “Sure,” was all I said in reply.

Gears grinded, but Mettaton turned his attention to my girlfriend. “Alphys, darling, I expect you’ll be well enough to come back to work, tomorrow?”

I could tell she wanted to say no. “O-oh, yes! I-I’m much better, now! T-thanks, Mettaton!”

He clapped happily, signing a monster baby absentmindedly and handing it back into the crowd. “Wonderful, darling, simply wonderful! Be sure to wear your new Prosecutor Mettaton pin! It’s mandatory for all employees!”

Alphys flinched, not responding right away. “B-but…”

“ _So_ glad to see you’re happy again, my dear sweet Alphys!” Mettaton cooed, signing Papyrus’ face for a second time. “I’ll see you, tomorrow!”

Before she could continue, the robot rolled away, spotlight following him out the double doors somehow. She sighed. At least her only problems now were dealing with that egomaniac ‘friend’ of hers.

“WHAT A NICE ROBOT,” Papyrus grinned, ink staining his skull. “HE ONLY CHARGED ME FIFTY GOLD FOR THIS, TOO.”

He was such a goofball.

It was nice seeing everyone get their happy ending. Well, everyone except Asgore. I couldn’t find him in the crowd of monsters. He must not have wanted to show himself. Either that, or he’s in custody.

What’s going to happen to him?

“AH, UM, UNDYNE!” Papyrus slid as subtly towards me as he could. Which was not subtle at all. “IS…IS THAT A NOTEPAD YOU’RE WRITING ON?”

I blinked. “Oh. Uh, yeah. Thought you said all real detectives use these?”

He was really trying his best to look cool, but his sweat and terribly shakey smile told everyone else otherwise. “YES! OF COURSE!” He kept looking at it, with this strange hunger in his eye sockets. “IT’S JUST… I LOST MY SPARE NOTEPAD.”

Oh. I see. “Wanna borrow mine?” I asked with a smile, reading him like a book. Or, well, like a notepad.

“OH, GOD, PLEASE, LET ME!”

I’d never say it to him, but I do love that weird gangly skeleton. Well, this notepad had its use. I think it helped me figure things out. Before I hand it over to Papyrus, I’m ripping the pages out.

See ya.

* * *

Notepad!!! It’s been more than twelve whole hours! It was so horrible not writing down my every thought, action, and feeling!! I mostly had to narrate myself out loud to Alphys, and she hated it! I don’t know why?! My grizzled detective writing style is very cool!

Anyways, you won’t believe it! Undyne won the case, all by herself! I’m so proud!! Even when we were inside, talking to Bratty, Catty, and Mettaton, she never pulled out a cigarette! She’s certainly on her way to being a real detective, like me!

“You look happy,” Undyne said with a grin, picking up Alphys and holding her on big beefy shoulders.

“WHY WOULDN’T I!” I proclaimed, scribbling frantically. “ANOTHER CASE SOLVED THANKS TO THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS! NYEH-HEH-HEH!”

My partner smiled at that, as if hearing a joke. “Yeah, you did really well, Pap.”

“C-can we just go home and r-relax, now?” Alphys pleaded, clinging to Undyne’s biceps, trying not to lose her balance. Undyne would never drop her, of course!

“AH, MAYBE YOU CAN!” I said. “THE GREAT DETECTIVE PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS NEEDED! THERE’S NO TIME TO RELAX!”

Undyne looked lost in thought. “You sure? You never want a vacation?”

“NEVER!” I answered without a beat. Undyne frowned at that, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I guess she wasn’t as great of a detective as me, so it’s only logical she might want time off. “AH, WELL… I SUPPOSE A VACATION COULD BE NICE.”

“That’s better,” she nodded. “Let’s go home and watch some Game of Bones again.”

“W-with Papyrus?...” Alphys looked unhappy. Why?!

Undyne couldn’t help but let out a hearty laugh. It felt honest and true. She really was looking like her old self again. It warmed my bones!

“I’D LOVE TO JOIN YOU!” I said, opening the front door for the ladies. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do!

Ah, it was raining again! How nice for Undyne! The pitter patter of the droplets, the cool air, and the beautiful reflections were back. Undyne’s eye lit up and she dashed into the pouring rain, Alphys screeching, holding on for dear life. They were drenched in an instant.

It looks like things are going well for her. I’m so happy!

Undyne was happy, too.

Case closed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a deeper look into what Asgore was trying to hide, check out [here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6985756/chapters/16557694)
> 
> Another case solved! But wait, is this really the end? There seems to be more pages left in this stray notepad...


	8. [Chapter Missing]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discarded notepad sits on the table, crinkled and stained with ketchup...
> 
> It doesn't belong here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ7zp_zyQHA), and have a little [rain](http://www.rainymood.com/) while you're at it...

 

nice. free notepad. paps must have forgotten it. finders keepers

 

butts.

 

 

hehehheh. butt butt butt. my favorite pie is buttspie with lots of butter.

 

What did one wave say to the other?

**Nothin’ he just waved.**

What did the grape say when he got stepped on?

**Nothin’ he just whined.**

i should probably have someone actually say something for these jokes to be a bit more effective, huh? nah.

 

What’s a mummy’s favorite music genre?

**Mummy wrap.**

heh. heh. that one’s really _really_ bad aint it. that’s a keeper.

 

some reason i get the urge to write more than just bad jokes here. like I wanna say more. that’d be weird tho, wouldn’t it?

heh, and i aint weird.

 

What did the flower say when his house caught on fire?

**Nothin’, he made like a tree and leafed.**

Why did the flower need a job?

**He was _dirt_ poor. **

Why was the flower feelin’ so blue?

**Can’t find the _root_ of the problem there. **

 

really got flowers on the mind, don’t i? wonder why that could be.

 

you know, it’s strange. i keep coming back to this notepad even though my mind says why bother. what’s the point in writing down what I see or feel? not like anyone’s gonna read this, heh.

but why not. let’s give it a go. i’m interested, for whatever reason.

 

i’m sittin’ here at tori’s bakery shop. it’s raining outside, like always. got a plate of that butts pie im so fond of. it’s good, but(t) could use more butts. table I’m sitting at is uhhh… looks like a table. yep, sturdy. round? It’s round. that’s how these things go. you describe all the stuff here, right?

it’s pretty late here. no one’s around at this time of night. tori’s nice enough to let me hang out after closing and feed me the leftovers she didn’t sell, and I’m cheap enough to take ‘em. she really _goats_ me, i guess.

usually tori would be swappin’ bad jokes with me right now, but she’s been pretty busy since that trial ended. turns out, no one was willing to take over the family’s duties after ol’ gorey got sent away. Not even fish face. kinda expected her to take over. guess she’s too busy playin’ detective with my bro.

tori, bein’ the nice lady she is, decided she’d take up leadership. probably for the best. if anyone can manage building homes for the poor and being generally kind to all us monsters, it’s her. i certainly don’t know what bein’ the leader entails, and im not exactly rarin’ to find out.

although, between you and me, it does get a bit more boring in the shop without her around. oh well. guess that’s why im writing this, isn’t it?

it’s so boring, i don’t think I even have anything left to write. dang. guess i’ll just go back to writing ~~bad~~ jokes.

 

Why didn’t the Flower eat chloroform?

**He was _chlorofull_.**

 

heh. really havin’ a bad time tryin’ to think of something other than flowers.

 

maybe it’s cuz I’ve been thinking about my good pal, flowey, a lot lately. can’t blame a guy, can you? tori literally has him on her person at all times.

 

 

Well. Most of the times.

 

I don’t think Tori knows it, but that little scamp escapes sometimes when she’s not lookin’. Heh, but it’s not like he’d get into any trouble, now would he? No, no, that doesn’t sound like the good natured Flowey _I_ know. His parents would never allow him to get into any trouble.

His parents would probably protect him from anything. Even though he didn’t see ol’ Gorey much, I get the feeling Flowey’s dad really cared about him…and I mean _really_ cared for him.

I shouldn’t be gossiping. But, it’s not like anyone is going to read this anyway, right? There’s nothing wrong with writing down some of my own little speculations. Just a hypothesis, is all.

Now, while I’m sure Gorey was quite the nice guy, he did some awful things. Maybe he did them because he thought they were right. Maybe he did those things knowing it was wrong, but believed it was for a good cause. Honestly, can’t say I blame him all that much either way.

This leads us back to the trial, though. Boy, that trial was _objectively_ a good time. I’m so proud of my bro. He proved me wrong a number of times. If it weren’t for him and fish sticks, I probably would have sent an innocent person away.

Instead, I sent a not-quite-innocent person away.

Heh. heh. Tori had me promise I’d be a fair judge. A good judge. She told me to take it seriously, don’t mess around, don’t favor anyone. Me, like the bonehead I am, I promised her I would.

Why do I keep making promises I know I’m just going to break?

Oh. Spoilers, I guess. I broke that promise towards the end of the case. I don’t think Asgore killed that Burger fella. In fact, I’m pretty sure he didn’t. Still, I let them convict ol’ Fluffybuns.

I wasn’t sure what happened until he took the stand of course, till I heard all the facts from metal head and fish face. The ideas, the guesses, they were always in the back of my skull, gnawing away in the dark, but I suppose I’m good at ignoring things like that.

Something needed to be done with Asgore, after all. He needed to stop those little bad habits of his. I couldn’t see a more peaceful solution than this. Us monsters have never really needed to make a jail, after all. They were strangely forgiving, even knowing what he did.

The monsters in charge of the judicial system, (Mettaton, Gertrude, myself and a few others) decided we’d keep him under house arrest. At least, that’s kind of the best way to describe it. He’s not allowed to leave his home, not really allowed to do anything without The Family (aka Tori) knowing. People can still come visit him, ask him for advice, make a bit of tea, but that’s about it.

So I get what you’re thinking. Asgore (supposedly) kills an innocent kid. A monster kid no less. He only gets house arrest? He got off easy. Well, to be honest, we thought about the death penalty. It was an uncomfortable subject and it was clear there was no monster out there that would be able to carry it out.

Well, heh, guess that’s not completely true. 

The guy’s pretty sad still. But, I think he’s feeling a little better. He’s left to those plants and flowers he loves so much. Not many come to visit him, though, but I think they’ll come around. This is probably the happiest ending that could come out of the situation, isn’t it?

Still, if Asgore didn’t kill that monster, though, who did? Who did, I wonder? And why?

Once again, I want to remind anyone reading this (but no one is reading this, so it doesn’t matter) that this is all speculation. I don’t have any proof, and I never witnessed anything myself.

But…

I get the feeling my pal, Flowey, killed Burgerpants. Strange, I know. Very strange. Flowey is such a cheerful, happy, helpful little friend, isn’t he? Why would he ever do something like that?

Well, first, we need to understand why he was with Asgore at the scene of the crime that night. I have a hunch. I think ol’ Gorey finally got enough of what he wanted out of his little bad habits. I think he wanted to give the fruits of his effort to Flowey, hoping that maybe it’d turn his son back to normal.

Problem with that, is Tori wouldn’t let Asgore near Flowey. She was very adamant, believe me, the arguments those two would get into got pretty _heated_. (get it, cuz fire magic) But, my good friend, Flowey, he’s a crafty little guy. He’s made some escapes; he’s gotten into contact with his father before without his mother’s knowledge.

How do I know that? Just a hunch, that’s all. What? I’m not the type to stalk people.

This brings us to that fateful night. If I had to guess what the scene would be, it’d probably be like this:

The rain musta been pouring like it always is. Asgore probably waited in that alley way for a good amount of time, without an umbrella. He was soaked to the bone, but poor Gorey felt he deserved it. He had soul and he had determination.

Once Flowey actually showed up, he probably did that sickly sweet thing he likes to do. Call him “ _daddy_ ” and all that nonsense, really get into Asgore’s head. It must have been difficult seeing his son like this, but I bet Asgore was thinking it’d all be worth it. All those horrible things he did, all of it would be worth it if he could see his son again.

Although, thinking on it, human souls and determination are all well and good, right? You can do some great things with those on your side, but isn’t it missing one important ingredient?

Right, right, I forgot. A monster’s soul.

Flowey doesn’t have one of those, now does he?

Still hypothetically speaking here, of course… Asgore knew all this. He knew a monster soul would probably be needed. But, I don’t think he meant for it to be Burgerpants. I don’t think Asgore planned on giving any monster’s soul but his own.

Flowey, being the precocious scamp that he is, also knew a monster soul would be necessary. This whole thing was probably just a misunderstanding.

Poor Burgerpants, though. Wrong place, wrong time. How can a guy be so unlucky? Hey, whenever I’m feeling down, at least I can remind myself some other guy had it way worse.

Anyway, this Burgerpants fella shows up, and here’s what I think happens. Flowey misunderstands the situation. Or maybe he didn’t care. Maybe those dark habits of Asgore rubbed off on him in that moment. Maybe Flowey was just feeling particularly grumpy that day. Who knows? I certainly can’t read that flower’s mind. Don’t want to either. Hope I never do.

Flowey kills Burgerpants on the spot before Asgore can even react. A huge vine, full of thorns, slams him into the dumpster. Looks like a claw mark (or maybe a trident mark), heh. Now, remember, little flower boy is the son of two incredibly powerful fire users. Even if it wasn’t on purpose, I think he’s still got a little heated edge to his attacks. Explains why the time of death couldn’t be figured out. Dust was still hot. No one expected fire magic.

This frightens Asgore. This was meant to be his son, Asriel? How could this cruel being before him claim to be his son, yet be so full of hate? Maybe Asgore blamed himself at that moment.

Either way, he couldn’t go through with it after that. Maybe everything he did would go to waste, maybe those humans died for nothing, but he couldn’t keep making mistakes, now could he? Just because he buried a hole so deep for himself, didn’t mean he had to keep digging and take everyone with him, right?

Probably good thinking, I’d say. Best thinking he’d done in a while.

I’ll bet Flowey lost that sweet charm of his after that. I’ll bet he demanded those souls and that Determination from Asgore. “Why won’t you give it to me?! I’m your son!” he probably said. Maybe even threatened him when things didn’t go his way.

Asgore must have been feeling real bad at that time, but you gotta remember, through it all, he is still a father. A father disciplines his child. For the first time in years, maybe even ever, I think Asgore raised his voice at Flowey. I think he told Flowey “Go home to your mother, never speak of this again.”

“I’m not going anywhere until I get my --”

“I said **GO**!”

And just like that, Flowey was afraid. He’d never seen his father like this. Ol’ Fluffybuns actually mad? Boy, almost wish I coulda seen that.

But I didn’t.

Flowey must have dug back into the ground, running away to his mama while papa cleaned up after his mess.

Heh, it’s a good thing no one else figured it out, right? If Tori found out about this, would she be able to live with herself, I wonder? I have no idea what she might do. What would everyone think if they found out Flowey was a killer?

I think it’d be a lot of trouble for the little guy. I think he knows better now, though. I don’t think he’s ever going to hurt anyone again, **or** **else he’ll have a pretty bad time**.

Luckily, this is all guess work. No one has to know. No one needs to mess up this happy ending we got. No one’s going to read this.

 

guess this is just between you and me, isn’t it, pal?

* * *

 

...

..

.

The notepad had appeared on his bedroom table that night. Flowey knew it wasn’t on accident. He read the thing, read through the crappy jokes and the even crappier handwriting. His leaves trembled slightly, his vision blurred multiple times.

With an angry toss, the notepad slammed into the lit fireplace. The flames ignored it completely, of course. Toriel’s fire was never hot enough to burn.

With the grit of his teeth and the furrow of a brow, the fireplace erupted in flames. The notepad was devoured, disintegrated.

_Turned to dust._

The thought unnerved him, haunted his mind. It was best to douse those flames now, forget it ever happened.

The fire cackled at him.

And the rain poured.

_That smiley trashbag…_

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposts here!  
> [FF.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12372110/1/Murder-with-a-Side-of-Lies)  
> [Tumblr](http://darkhymns-fic.tumblr.com/tagged/undertale-noir/chrono)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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